whats that I hear you say?
Fear Sleep? But why ever could that be?
Because my room may not have been bug bombed, so all the bugs went north for the 'fall-out', and north being my Bedroom!
Crying like a emo kid ;_; ...
I found a dead roach in the door way of my room...
I was scared and stole CJ's can of Raid... and proceeded to soak the bugger, and the rest of my room with Pyrethemum...
I should be asleep...
however. Now that I am back in Auckland...
what was it I was doing a fortnight before I left for Levin?
Nothing. Specifically: computer games. moping. walking. DVD's. Movies. TV series (marathons of BSG done *sigh!*).
now that I am back...
I plan to go and be a glassy. I will apply to many schools this time and more than just one subject. which ever one I get I will do.
and maby try modelling. just for shits and giggles.
not that I actually think i'd be good just hoping that I get some funky adidas threads someday :)
which means runs or walks every day. to get that BMI down or what ever it is.
Ahh... Thanks EOL for the diary. I really will be using it.
plus I need a new calandar...
learning to fly
Thursday, December 4
Thursday, November 27
in wellington today
i took a trip to wellington today and am staying with a good friend.
and it reminds me of all the reasons why I should move here. Dilapidated, dated, Lived In old city villa's. Hundreds of them. and I can live in them :)
Im not keen on the weather here. I'd have to stock up on Jumbo jackets, however. its a good vibe here.
I took loads of photo's.
when I have the time, I will be able to upload them to here.
though, I am missing my friends in auckland.
and it reminds me of all the reasons why I should move here. Dilapidated, dated, Lived In old city villa's. Hundreds of them. and I can live in them :)
Im not keen on the weather here. I'd have to stock up on Jumbo jackets, however. its a good vibe here.
I took loads of photo's.
when I have the time, I will be able to upload them to here.
though, I am missing my friends in auckland.
Tuesday, November 11
about my cat. 2003
(from my journal) ... I'm trying to begin this entry - in the shadow of my beloved cat who insists on pushing his face in mine.
I love you so much. I'd be very cold without you.
Currently I don't love anything more than I do you.
But, I still dread the day when you must leave me - when I have to stop buying you biscuits, kiss you benevolently on your patterned forehead, hear you purr and see your lazy eyes. You love me, I know that much.
You are a little strange and hard to understand,
I don't want to understand you - own you, trap you.
I should have left you in your home.
I guess i got greedy - i couldn't live without you, or bear to think about what would be happening to you.
I love your scent. You've definitely lost most of your smell since being here. Garden spray, fertilizer, wild, green, sweat, hunt, warmth. And sun.
RIP 2005. Come back to me one day...
I love you so much. I'd be very cold without you.
Currently I don't love anything more than I do you.
But, I still dread the day when you must leave me - when I have to stop buying you biscuits, kiss you benevolently on your patterned forehead, hear you purr and see your lazy eyes. You love me, I know that much.
You are a little strange and hard to understand,
I don't want to understand you - own you, trap you.
I should have left you in your home.
I guess i got greedy - i couldn't live without you, or bear to think about what would be happening to you.
I love your scent. You've definitely lost most of your smell since being here. Garden spray, fertilizer, wild, green, sweat, hunt, warmth. And sun.
RIP 2005. Come back to me one day...
high moon, circa 2003
the moon has shifted a long distance since,
its light directly on her face now and in her eyes.
clock kept on ticking. a windy night pushed the
clouds along, passing the moon and temporarily
dimming the light.
clouds in the distance moved slowly, huddled beneath
the moon and stars hung above. Wind sights through
trees.
the blue night sky is so solid, its almost palpable.
its like the smooth painted inside of a
cosmotic bowl.
Her focus shifts to the window, and the dirt and finger
marks on it; between her and the moon.
light shining in her eyes, she squints to lengthen
and shorten the beams.
The breeze slipping through the window stirs the
chimes; they ring quietly into the night.
Kana lay in bed, a little uncomfortable.
Her neck hurt from craning over the computer so much.
sleep was hard to find, thoughts and dreams
not helping in the pursuit.
Her tabby cat slept on the blankets at her side,
the clock still ticked.
"How come you can sleep so easily, huh puss?"
its light directly on her face now and in her eyes.
clock kept on ticking. a windy night pushed the
clouds along, passing the moon and temporarily
dimming the light.
clouds in the distance moved slowly, huddled beneath
the moon and stars hung above. Wind sights through
trees.
the blue night sky is so solid, its almost palpable.
its like the smooth painted inside of a
cosmotic bowl.
Her focus shifts to the window, and the dirt and finger
marks on it; between her and the moon.
light shining in her eyes, she squints to lengthen
and shorten the beams.
The breeze slipping through the window stirs the
chimes; they ring quietly into the night.
Kana lay in bed, a little uncomfortable.
Her neck hurt from craning over the computer so much.
sleep was hard to find, thoughts and dreams
not helping in the pursuit.
Her tabby cat slept on the blankets at her side,
the clock still ticked.
"How come you can sleep so easily, huh puss?"
untitled circa 2003
We lay in bed,
We lay very close.
And listened to the narcissus grow.
We hard the silver moon rise,
I heard his eye lids blinking,
He heard my hair rustling.
We saw fantastic visions,
We dreamed our wolds together,
No-longer separated but linked by our finger tips only,
linked by eyes.
Eyes of midnight bright,
Eyes of perceptual might.
.dreams never end when you believe
We lay very close.
And listened to the narcissus grow.
We hard the silver moon rise,
I heard his eye lids blinking,
He heard my hair rustling.
We saw fantastic visions,
We dreamed our wolds together,
No-longer separated but linked by our finger tips only,
linked by eyes.
Eyes of midnight bright,
Eyes of perceptual might.
.dreams never end when you believe
shuhei's rainbow. written 2002
i saw the rainbow shuhei saw. it was beautiful.
it was as vivid as the photo he is a part of
forever shuhei, young. and the rainbow -
it was as vivid as the photo he is a part of
forever shuhei, young. and the rainbow -
unfinished, untitled. circa 2000-2002
kana walked down the road with a bottle of vodka to ease her disappointment. was like a great vault sky of cloud and blue evening. the moon directly above like white marble. the unseen sun dyed the cloud fringes orange and pink. a swirling mass tethered to spill into the blue like the great wall of a slow moving wave.
a sight to make many watchers sigh.
kana didn't care.
nor did she car she still walked on stony ground in high heels, bound to break an ankle at some time.
far too distant to hear the plaintive voices calling her to stay,come back, ignoring....
a sight to make many watchers sigh.
kana didn't care.
nor did she car she still walked on stony ground in high heels, bound to break an ankle at some time.
far too distant to hear the plaintive voices calling her to stay,come back, ignoring....
free writing. circa 1999-2001
out into the street i flow
im not sure, ive nowhere to go
i see people fly by yet i am so slow
its a color expozay - a blurry show
we wont walk, wont laugh, wont play
we just want to get out - shot today
in my head a part is dead
what im fed its not being read
so i pull down the stars
white pin points pricking the crowd
crowd of colour garish
melt them al into single units
its just more organised that way
im not sure, ive nowhere to go
i see people fly by yet i am so slow
its a color expozay - a blurry show
we wont walk, wont laugh, wont play
we just want to get out - shot today
in my head a part is dead
what im fed its not being read
so i pull down the stars
white pin points pricking the crowd
crowd of colour garish
melt them al into single units
its just more organised that way
Monday, November 10
eighteen september twothousand and eight, sugar sweet blue eyes
continuing down
think i lost a friend
hair is, every where!
waiting out this holiday. keen to be here, keen to get back into uncertain life. which?
want to be alone here. no bothers. eat out.
drinking peach tea by the litre...
wanting to be perfected and shag with no inhibitions.
skin, is, purple?
toes healing. i do have my fathers feet.
not keen on dragging her around.
laid on the grass one day. staring at the grass. blue sky. hot knees.
feeding black geese, strange honking and hissing.
more beautiful than geese.
actually, i am wrong. they are black swans.
think i lost a friend
hair is, every where!
waiting out this holiday. keen to be here, keen to get back into uncertain life. which?
want to be alone here. no bothers. eat out.
drinking peach tea by the litre...
wanting to be perfected and shag with no inhibitions.
skin, is, purple?
toes healing. i do have my fathers feet.
not keen on dragging her around.
laid on the grass one day. staring at the grass. blue sky. hot knees.
feeding black geese, strange honking and hissing.
more beautiful than geese.
actually, i am wrong. they are black swans.
I magine the city. written 1999
I would like to live in a city. a city with bright lights. trees. green hills. people: simple, complex, cyberpunks, thrift shop kids, snot nosed fashion junkies, uniforms, suits, colours, ugly, pretty, Fake... and in this city is me. in a small 2 roomed kitchen + bathroom unit apartment high up staring at thousands of other apartments and city buildings winking at me. Ive made contact with some of the other people in those apartments. we wave. hold up big pictures. ive even been able to email one of them. Behind me is one of the rooms, my room. 3x4m. a shoji screen door, aluminum slide windows (nice to sit in when i want to remind myself what suicidal feels like) a small bed under it, along one wall a stack of DIY shelves ive cramped with books and collected trinkets. my bed bed sits on another stack of shelves full of books and drawers of clothes. 2 PC monitors , minispeakers sit on my desk connected to 2 networked PC's underneath. Desk is littered with papers. water and energy bottles, special K boxes ( i really have to clean this shit out some day.) books, pens, trinkets, CD's, a keyboard, 2 mouse. shit cluttered room. strung a sting along the ceiling to hang my clothes and shoes from. I can just sit in my room cluttered with shit. My flatmate, shes a graphic designer. usually out at Uni or locked in her room. like me, has 2 computers. at least once a week we make it a habit to clean out the apartment, go shop together, and frequent at the local cafe/internet cafe/2nd hand book store. sometimes I go visit friends I haven't visited in months. Lucky bastards. they just do a bit of work every day or just bumm around. I lock myself in my room, do animation or Im at college doing more animations and planning storyboards. updating my site or do comics or, I just zone out.
leave the apartment, and walk. stare at the world. Im going to go to a yoga class someday. I leave my 7th floor apartment through the internal staring of my apartment building. it is late. the outsides of some have staircases leading down the sides. Dirty white washed walls. cold and some glowing windows, pipes veining the sides and small boxes and lights jutting out of the walls. the spaces between the buildings secret a walkway for all. the roads on the other side of the way. the whole way is webbed with a jumble of black telephone and power lines linking from apartment to apartment. at least the air is clean down here.
(Edited Nov 10 2008. I wrote this before I even lived on Hobson street. guess my imagination was pretty accurate...)
leave the apartment, and walk. stare at the world. Im going to go to a yoga class someday. I leave my 7th floor apartment through the internal staring of my apartment building. it is late. the outsides of some have staircases leading down the sides. Dirty white washed walls. cold and some glowing windows, pipes veining the sides and small boxes and lights jutting out of the walls. the spaces between the buildings secret a walkway for all. the roads on the other side of the way. the whole way is webbed with a jumble of black telephone and power lines linking from apartment to apartment. at least the air is clean down here.
(Edited Nov 10 2008. I wrote this before I even lived on Hobson street. guess my imagination was pretty accurate...)
night flying. written 2000
late night cafe music. enough caffine to make the sane mad and those denizens of the coffee sane.. reasonably. red light floods the scene, horizon of yellow light on the bar; dark silhouettes of couples sit around tables lit with candles and low lights.
Samarah looks up to and notices the time on an old Hawaiian clock. 10.00pm.
time to go. see the night out. But, decides to go after one more song. to calm the nerves.
sweet slow drum beats, the string sections elevating, almost like she's flying again.
the nights calling Samarah. And it was true, looking out the window she could see the moon through the withered plane trees. the first full moon of the month. and through the trees, they looked like a medical graph of the nerves in the brain. the branches forking out into nerve ends, the trunk the spinal root.
"good night for flying" she mused staring at the deep night sky.
laying her bill down on her table, she rose and left the small late night cafe. its warm and frendly atmoshpere lingering as she stepped out. the winter bite in the air, nipping away at her bared skin, reminding her to pull on her coat.
Samarah looks up to and notices the time on an old Hawaiian clock. 10.00pm.
time to go. see the night out. But, decides to go after one more song. to calm the nerves.
sweet slow drum beats, the string sections elevating, almost like she's flying again.
the nights calling Samarah. And it was true, looking out the window she could see the moon through the withered plane trees. the first full moon of the month. and through the trees, they looked like a medical graph of the nerves in the brain. the branches forking out into nerve ends, the trunk the spinal root.
"good night for flying" she mused staring at the deep night sky.
laying her bill down on her table, she rose and left the small late night cafe. its warm and frendly atmoshpere lingering as she stepped out. the winter bite in the air, nipping away at her bared skin, reminding her to pull on her coat.
Nana. Written 2002
We sit in church, an unremarkable grey sky beyond the window.
child of innocence runs her fingers down my legs.
sends sensations to my head and body that I have to brush her hands away
such a clean face. unmarked and unblemished.
we give her a piece of chocolate and make eating faces as if we were enjoying a piece of chocolate ourselves.
she runs it over her face and hold in her smal, fleshy toddler hands before taking a small bite. the chocolate is still 1&1/2 blocks left, broken and crumbling where she broke it off. it sits in her mouth and she eats it with her mouth open, like she had to breathe in between each bite.
her mouth is full of brown saliva and chocolate stained teeth. im not sure if she is enjoying it - or if she wants me to enjoy her eating it. which i am.
clear brown eyes she enjoys it when i run my fingernails up and down her face.
shutting her eyes and leaving her mouth open with an almost animal purity.
i run my nails and tickle her nose.
eyebrows, cheeks, and then her ears, which she scrunches her face up in toothy smile and holds her hands to her ears, where i return to her nose. Jan then starts tickling her chin to get her attention, offers it, and jan runs her fingers up and down her fore arms. she stops moving and watches and feels her fingers with that same animal interest, as if the sensation is new and pleasurable in some way. im curious why jan would do that to her in the first place, but she likes it. then she pushes up jan's sleeves with not much success and scratches jan's forearms, thinking maby she'd enjoy it too or its what shes supposed to do. jan flinches a little because of her tiny finger-nails.
finishing both of jan's arms she turns to me and tries to push up one of my sleeves making it only halfway up my arm. i have to help her pull it as far up. then she runs her fingers up and down my arms with a slight pressure. i can feel her small nails scratching. pulls that sleeve down and continues with pushing the other sleeve up and scratching that arm.
if she was mine then i would hold her always. i would hold her with my two strong arms and never tire. we would both stare and look at things. trying to come up with the same thoughts. i would love that child. i would bleed my heart out for her. no harm, ever. i would tear her oppressors apart.
November 10, 2008. I am still childless.
child of innocence runs her fingers down my legs.
sends sensations to my head and body that I have to brush her hands away
such a clean face. unmarked and unblemished.
we give her a piece of chocolate and make eating faces as if we were enjoying a piece of chocolate ourselves.
she runs it over her face and hold in her smal, fleshy toddler hands before taking a small bite. the chocolate is still 1&1/2 blocks left, broken and crumbling where she broke it off. it sits in her mouth and she eats it with her mouth open, like she had to breathe in between each bite.
her mouth is full of brown saliva and chocolate stained teeth. im not sure if she is enjoying it - or if she wants me to enjoy her eating it. which i am.
clear brown eyes she enjoys it when i run my fingernails up and down her face.
shutting her eyes and leaving her mouth open with an almost animal purity.
i run my nails and tickle her nose.
eyebrows, cheeks, and then her ears, which she scrunches her face up in toothy smile and holds her hands to her ears, where i return to her nose. Jan then starts tickling her chin to get her attention, offers it, and jan runs her fingers up and down her fore arms. she stops moving and watches and feels her fingers with that same animal interest, as if the sensation is new and pleasurable in some way. im curious why jan would do that to her in the first place, but she likes it. then she pushes up jan's sleeves with not much success and scratches jan's forearms, thinking maby she'd enjoy it too or its what shes supposed to do. jan flinches a little because of her tiny finger-nails.
finishing both of jan's arms she turns to me and tries to push up one of my sleeves making it only halfway up my arm. i have to help her pull it as far up. then she runs her fingers up and down my arms with a slight pressure. i can feel her small nails scratching. pulls that sleeve down and continues with pushing the other sleeve up and scratching that arm.
if she was mine then i would hold her always. i would hold her with my two strong arms and never tire. we would both stare and look at things. trying to come up with the same thoughts. i would love that child. i would bleed my heart out for her. no harm, ever. i would tear her oppressors apart.
November 10, 2008. I am still childless.
Wednesday, October 22
Mama and the Gym
I felt really awful, and really about time to call my mother.
I called her yesterday before coronation street started, and she was happy to hear from me :)
i feel much better now, thanks also to every one for their support, you are a lovely bunch :3
she's not up to much. life is much the same, just shorter work hours. Good to have that mama feeling back.
I was also called by Configure Express to ask why I havent been coming in...
well. the thing is, I dont really like gyms.
I have no flippin idea why i even bothered to get a bloody membership. with all that money i have been wasting i should have brought shoes and walked!
stupid, stupid dippy me!
Today I went to see them at 11am. The assessor was nice, i was initially expecting someone quite snotty? I lied and said that I had forgotten that I had a membership.
the truth is that I dont want to go. I want to sit on my ass and watch internet TV and read manga and do the occasional job.
I have low motivation that is for sure.
I also dont want to sit on my ass all day! Im so Terrible! Gyagh!
I jogged for 20 minutes, stretched, and felt way too lost to continue on with doing anything there.
I left and read my book. it was quite hot out so I had to sit in the shade or fall over. Feeling quite light headed today? or perhaps reading "Faust. Fiction and Manga from the cutting edge of Japanese Pop Culture" is putting too much interesting facets of philosophy in my dry brain that its a little heavy for the watering?
before my money dries up, i should line myself up a new job...
one that does not make me cry at the sight of the elderly...;_;...
I called her yesterday before coronation street started, and she was happy to hear from me :)
i feel much better now, thanks also to every one for their support, you are a lovely bunch :3
she's not up to much. life is much the same, just shorter work hours. Good to have that mama feeling back.
I was also called by Configure Express to ask why I havent been coming in...
well. the thing is, I dont really like gyms.
I have no flippin idea why i even bothered to get a bloody membership. with all that money i have been wasting i should have brought shoes and walked!
stupid, stupid dippy me!
Today I went to see them at 11am. The assessor was nice, i was initially expecting someone quite snotty? I lied and said that I had forgotten that I had a membership.
the truth is that I dont want to go. I want to sit on my ass and watch internet TV and read manga and do the occasional job.
I have low motivation that is for sure.
I also dont want to sit on my ass all day! Im so Terrible! Gyagh!
I jogged for 20 minutes, stretched, and felt way too lost to continue on with doing anything there.
I left and read my book. it was quite hot out so I had to sit in the shade or fall over. Feeling quite light headed today? or perhaps reading "Faust. Fiction and Manga from the cutting edge of Japanese Pop Culture" is putting too much interesting facets of philosophy in my dry brain that its a little heavy for the watering?
before my money dries up, i should line myself up a new job...one that does not make me cry at the sight of the elderly...;_;...
Friday, October 17
i made my mother cry today.
that fool. that damned fool.
why cant she accept, that I will never take that bitch back.
that bitch, who unfortunately for our family line, holds the ancestral name, Your Name! And smears dirt and shame on it.
you watched us, as we grew together. we became our own, and now you can watch us fall apart.
there is nothing that her parents didn't give her, except strong boundaries.
and they still swarm to her to wipe her ass when she gets blown around in the storm she created.
Wasn't it you, who always told me to turn my back on those who do wrong?
how can you expect me to accept her as she is, when she is every thing Ive been taught to despise?
She makes her mother worry until it has affected her physically! Her father cries every time he rushes out to pick her up from her latest arrest/break-up/drug induced coma!
You don't even know the real reason why I don't have a scooter anymore. I wont tell, do you really need to worry? I wouldn't do that to you. She does it on purpose?
and for what reason? because she knows that they will clambour around to comfort her.
to help her justify her behaviour. Her Stupidity! So she will be happy to go back and do it all again.
She's Addicted to her drugs and stupidity.
she had two children. and you watched her try to raise them.
See how she malnourished them? did you hear that she used a table leg to hit her partner while he was holding her oldest? wasn't it you complaining every time we met what a bad mother she was? And now she's lost them.
Cry then. go ahead. Cry for the girl that died a long time ago.
Cry because she will never come back, and the only thing living in her skin is a demon hell bent on destruction absolute. a robot with a flawed single function that cankours on like a broken record over and over.
Quit your crying because I have rejected her. Just like she rejects us all as she takes each puff and breathes it in our face.
Do you know how much it hurts that we cant share our memories?
because when we die, that is all we are left with!
why cant she accept, that I will never take that bitch back.
that bitch, who unfortunately for our family line, holds the ancestral name, Your Name! And smears dirt and shame on it.
you watched us, as we grew together. we became our own, and now you can watch us fall apart.
there is nothing that her parents didn't give her, except strong boundaries.
and they still swarm to her to wipe her ass when she gets blown around in the storm she created.
Wasn't it you, who always told me to turn my back on those who do wrong?
how can you expect me to accept her as she is, when she is every thing Ive been taught to despise?
She makes her mother worry until it has affected her physically! Her father cries every time he rushes out to pick her up from her latest arrest/break-up/drug induced coma!
You don't even know the real reason why I don't have a scooter anymore. I wont tell, do you really need to worry? I wouldn't do that to you. She does it on purpose?
and for what reason? because she knows that they will clambour around to comfort her.
to help her justify her behaviour. Her Stupidity! So she will be happy to go back and do it all again.
She's Addicted to her drugs and stupidity.
she had two children. and you watched her try to raise them.
See how she malnourished them? did you hear that she used a table leg to hit her partner while he was holding her oldest? wasn't it you complaining every time we met what a bad mother she was? And now she's lost them.
Cry then. go ahead. Cry for the girl that died a long time ago.
Cry because she will never come back, and the only thing living in her skin is a demon hell bent on destruction absolute. a robot with a flawed single function that cankours on like a broken record over and over.
Quit your crying because I have rejected her. Just like she rejects us all as she takes each puff and breathes it in our face.
Do you know how much it hurts that we cant share our memories?
because when we die, that is all we are left with!
Thursday, October 9
Third Time Lucky Break!!
A fortnight ago I went into St Marks Surgery to get my right hand operated on again.
Apparently the plate that went into my hand back in 2005 was wearing the tendons out that were rubbing over the top of them. ick.
I first broke the 4th and 5th Metacarpal bones (ring and pinky palm bones) back in September 2000 after being very drunk, young, dumb, and hitting the fence... lol
I broke it again in May 2005 after getting super frustrated at an ex one night and laying into a rocky part of a punching bag instead of him. after that i went to Middlemore hosp where they put plates on the bone, but never did anything to get it straight. and the Anesthetist was a real BITCH. I was lying on the operating table and she stabbed the anesthetic into the bone in my wrist. I yelped and tried to say "fuck!" but only managed the ffffff and was konked out. That left a massive bruise. I really should have had her up for that!
When I was working in C.S my hand would hurt really bad after typing for long periods. So I decided to see my Doc about it who refered me to Chris Taylor working out of Greenlane/Ellerslie. Hand surgeon specialist. got some xrays to shows off :) but they didnt scan too well??
Before the surgery
3x skinny plates to hold second break
After the surgery:
one skinny, one thick to splint the pinky bone. a lot of broken pins that couldn't be removed.
The screws were so tiny that they just break. I just hope the plates dont sliver up my tendons again (I bet you are going EWW! hahah high five to myself!)
Apparently the plate that went into my hand back in 2005 was wearing the tendons out that were rubbing over the top of them. ick.
I first broke the 4th and 5th Metacarpal bones (ring and pinky palm bones) back in September 2000 after being very drunk, young, dumb, and hitting the fence... lol
I broke it again in May 2005 after getting super frustrated at an ex one night and laying into a rocky part of a punching bag instead of him. after that i went to Middlemore hosp where they put plates on the bone, but never did anything to get it straight. and the Anesthetist was a real BITCH. I was lying on the operating table and she stabbed the anesthetic into the bone in my wrist. I yelped and tried to say "fuck!" but only managed the ffffff and was konked out. That left a massive bruise. I really should have had her up for that!
When I was working in C.S my hand would hurt really bad after typing for long periods. So I decided to see my Doc about it who refered me to Chris Taylor working out of Greenlane/Ellerslie. Hand surgeon specialist. got some xrays to shows off :) but they didnt scan too well??
Before the surgery
3x skinny plates to hold second breakAfter the surgery:
one skinny, one thick to splint the pinky bone. a lot of broken pins that couldn't be removed.The screws were so tiny that they just break. I just hope the plates dont sliver up my tendons again (I bet you are going EWW! hahah high five to myself!)
Monday, October 6
The Dream where I cant stop the car...
I was watching Battle Star Galactica through our flat LAN last night and got to S2, ep 14 when Ryan unplugged his hard-drive totally canning the episode I was halfway through >:-(
I was too frustrated to wait for it to come back onto the network, so instead threw myself into bed and fell asleep with my MP3 player rocking off Kings of Leon.
I was dreaming again about driving in a car. well, I wasnt exactly driving, I just happened to be in the drivers seat. The car started to move, and I had to steer it so it doesnt crash. its not moving fast, more like moving on some sort of crazy momentum?
No matter what I try to do the brakes never seem to work, like Im not pressing it properly? it doesnt occur to me that the brakes just dont work!
I could be simply sitting in the car in a driveway or supermarket carpark and it would move?
I seem to have this kind of dream every couple of years. funny how I seem to remember it, amongst the many thousands of other random dreams that I do have.
Perhaps its when all the random dreams start to have some similar parts, that those common occurances when combined finally they are more memorable to me? Familiar. Recognisable?
I told Mom, she reckons thats there is something in my life that I dont yet have controll over.
That I better start fixing it?
But the problem is, what is it?
that I can be really pathetic and let it control me?
my laziness?
terrible string of relationships?
I am not that good at keeping friends unless they are close by?
That yes I am afraid of driving? (well not really !! o_o, i just prefer scooters or buses...)
I can never stick to one thing for a long time, i have to move up or move on? I dont know when im finished??
so much introspection I need to do :( . Maby i should do that mind map thingy..
~~~~~
EDIT:
Useless at keeping in contact with friends!
Useless!!
I was too frustrated to wait for it to come back onto the network, so instead threw myself into bed and fell asleep with my MP3 player rocking off Kings of Leon.
I was dreaming again about driving in a car. well, I wasnt exactly driving, I just happened to be in the drivers seat. The car started to move, and I had to steer it so it doesnt crash. its not moving fast, more like moving on some sort of crazy momentum?
No matter what I try to do the brakes never seem to work, like Im not pressing it properly? it doesnt occur to me that the brakes just dont work!
I could be simply sitting in the car in a driveway or supermarket carpark and it would move?
I seem to have this kind of dream every couple of years. funny how I seem to remember it, amongst the many thousands of other random dreams that I do have.
Perhaps its when all the random dreams start to have some similar parts, that those common occurances when combined finally they are more memorable to me? Familiar. Recognisable?
I told Mom, she reckons thats there is something in my life that I dont yet have controll over.
That I better start fixing it?
But the problem is, what is it?
that I can be really pathetic and let it control me?
my laziness?
terrible string of relationships?
I am not that good at keeping friends unless they are close by?
That yes I am afraid of driving? (well not really !! o_o, i just prefer scooters or buses...)
I can never stick to one thing for a long time, i have to move up or move on? I dont know when im finished??
so much introspection I need to do :( . Maby i should do that mind map thingy..~~~~~
EDIT:
Useless at keeping in contact with friends!
Useless!!
Thursday, October 2
Paulie go Bye-Bye
Head Automatica
Beating hearts baby
Baby, is this love for real?
Let me in your arms to feel
Beating hearts baby
The beating of your heart, baby
The beating of your heart, baby
You, you want nothing to do with me
You, you want nothing to do with me
I, I don't know what to do with you
Because you don't know what you do to me
Baby, is this love for real?
Let me in your arms to feel
The beating of your heart, baby
The beating of your heart, baby
Beating hearts baby
Baby, is this love for real?
Beating hearts baby
Let me in your arms to feel
Beating hearts baby
Your beating heart, baby
Beating hearts baby
The beating of your heart, baby
You, you really got your hold on me
You, you really got your hold on me
You, you got to get away from me
Because you, you want nothing to do with me
Baby, is this love for real?
Let me in your arms to feel
The beating of your heart, baby
The beating of your heart, baby
Beating hearts baby
Baby, is this love for real?
Beating hearts baby
Let me in your arms to feel
Beating hearts baby
Your beating heart, baby
Beating hearts baby
The beating of your heart, baby
In spite of you
Even out of view
Still I love all of you
I do, yeah
In spite of you
Even out of view
Still I love all of you
I do, yeah
You want nothing to do with me
You, you want nothing to do with me
Baby, is this love for real
Let me in your arms to feel
Your beating heart, baby
The beating of your heart, baby
ok well ive just thrown in the can another wasted relationship. With yet again another blue eyed horn dog (remind me to stay far away from blue eyed dudes with saint's names). yet, im feeling pretty stupid about it?
The above song i played like crazy after michael years and years ago. and pined and cried and felt uber lost, and slept days away hiding under the covers and searching anything about his name on the internet etc etc. its still a good song outside of that event.
it happened last night. i was about to sleep dreaming of paul when he txt me... then i asked him about him paying me back. I said something wrong, he said something racist, and i blew him up and ditched him like that.
its been 24 hours since he txt that.
hmm, analysing our relationship. i really should have just said "nah its not working out" and walked away from him earlier. so many signs saying "no he's a douche bag, now say ta-ta!". ahh but being so hot blooded i tend to ignore. the next relationship if its not so good i will. just takes practice yeah.
and theres no point giving him any mind. i dont need the memories or added guilt/anger.
we are humans. like a river we can move on, or grow stagnant in a pool...
i could start singing "i am woman" or "im a survivor". but id just be a stupid cheese :)
He doesnt know about my blog... so i could expose him right here and now?
every little embarassing thing about him...
Hahaha, nope. im a lady.
"Harden the F**k up" is the quote here in NZ.
Beating hearts baby
Baby, is this love for real?
Let me in your arms to feel
Beating hearts baby
The beating of your heart, baby
The beating of your heart, baby
You, you want nothing to do with me
You, you want nothing to do with me
I, I don't know what to do with you
Because you don't know what you do to me
Baby, is this love for real?
Let me in your arms to feel
The beating of your heart, baby
The beating of your heart, baby
Beating hearts baby
Baby, is this love for real?
Beating hearts baby
Let me in your arms to feel
Beating hearts baby
Your beating heart, baby
Beating hearts baby
The beating of your heart, baby
You, you really got your hold on me
You, you really got your hold on me
You, you got to get away from me
Because you, you want nothing to do with me
Baby, is this love for real?
Let me in your arms to feel
The beating of your heart, baby
The beating of your heart, baby
Beating hearts baby
Baby, is this love for real?
Beating hearts baby
Let me in your arms to feel
Beating hearts baby
Your beating heart, baby
Beating hearts baby
The beating of your heart, baby
In spite of you
Even out of view
Still I love all of you
I do, yeah
In spite of you
Even out of view
Still I love all of you
I do, yeah
You want nothing to do with me
You, you want nothing to do with me
Baby, is this love for real
Let me in your arms to feel
Your beating heart, baby
The beating of your heart, baby
ok well ive just thrown in the can another wasted relationship. With yet again another blue eyed horn dog (remind me to stay far away from blue eyed dudes with saint's names). yet, im feeling pretty stupid about it?
The above song i played like crazy after michael years and years ago. and pined and cried and felt uber lost, and slept days away hiding under the covers and searching anything about his name on the internet etc etc. its still a good song outside of that event.
it happened last night. i was about to sleep dreaming of paul when he txt me... then i asked him about him paying me back. I said something wrong, he said something racist, and i blew him up and ditched him like that.
its been 24 hours since he txt that.
hmm, analysing our relationship. i really should have just said "nah its not working out" and walked away from him earlier. so many signs saying "no he's a douche bag, now say ta-ta!". ahh but being so hot blooded i tend to ignore. the next relationship if its not so good i will. just takes practice yeah.
and theres no point giving him any mind. i dont need the memories or added guilt/anger.
we are humans. like a river we can move on, or grow stagnant in a pool...
i could start singing "i am woman" or "im a survivor". but id just be a stupid cheese :)
He doesnt know about my blog... so i could expose him right here and now?
every little embarassing thing about him...
Hahaha, nope. im a lady.
"Harden the F**k up" is the quote here in NZ.
musical love
im pretty much into Kings of Leon these days. a couple of weeks ago after physio I walked into Newmarket with the sole intent of buying "only by the night", the new album.
$65 dollars later I came out of the CD & DVD store with that and "because of the times".
So naughty. but I feel it was well worth it. Ive been blasting these albums and some of their earlier tracks almost every day since. Poor David is prob. getting sick of it :)
I love their songs, although I cant understand what Caleb is singing half the time and the lyrics are unto their own understanding and not so much to mine, there's a lot of passion and energy in the songs.
you can feel it in the guitars and drumming, not just in the singing.
I think I love them as much as Led Zeppelin. They're tops. Certainly beat out Foo Fighters (uwah sorry Dave!)
Soft lips are open
Knuckles are pale
Feels like you're dying
You're dying
orgasm anyone? lol :3
$65 dollars later I came out of the CD & DVD store with that and "because of the times".
So naughty. but I feel it was well worth it. Ive been blasting these albums and some of their earlier tracks almost every day since. Poor David is prob. getting sick of it :)
I love their songs, although I cant understand what Caleb is singing half the time and the lyrics are unto their own understanding and not so much to mine, there's a lot of passion and energy in the songs.
you can feel it in the guitars and drumming, not just in the singing.
I think I love them as much as Led Zeppelin. They're tops. Certainly beat out Foo Fighters (uwah sorry Dave!)
Soft lips are open
Knuckles are pale
Feels like you're dying
You're dying
orgasm anyone? lol :3
Sunday, September 21
post date post
saturday after pauls dropped me off in the morning im lost again.
i make a lazy attempt at cleaning my room out, end up shuffling things around to no avail.
still unsure where to begin so I have a shower. I always do this when I dont have anything to do. not even noticing that i am clean when finished.
Erin is drawing in CJ's room, so I join her for a couple of hours. Lunchtime passes. Erin leaves. ink a picture, start another for practice. I get bored again...
Go to my room and look for something to do. its a sunny saturday so I better go outside and lap it up.
My face is ravaged. I have to blame it on Paul's dirty pillows. or him pash rashing me. how come this embarassment is happening?
put on a face mask then go outside.
Kestin and Leigh laugh at me face and invite me over for movies at 7. done.
start to read and interrupted by Ryan and Jessie. play some music on instruments...
i must have looked uber weird!
toddle over to Kestins and watch the remainder of the matrix. decide to get high, as I no longer have a job...
and no longer have to worry much about it.
fell asleep to Escaflone the movie. really boring.
woke up, rewatched it. reconfirmed that it is fucking boring, and leave for home.
i look a mess. I feel a mess. I didnt drink much but still feel seedy.
I get home. shower, feel good.
Start to clean my room. moved the PC back to my room. it is good there.
vaccume this dusty assed house. starting to get a cold, starting to feel...
long walk is decided on and for what fucking reason I never really gave myself a solid answer. Look for a desk. No desk is actually needed.
walk as far as wendys and get a burger. its not much.
discussing with Eugene about what I should do with this relationship Im having?
figured some things out in my head and made a decision that I really need to just ask questions.
txt paul some random shit to see how he replies, see if there is any tension or short answers to show he doesnt really care much? just basic replies, nothing untoward..
now i have to try figure out what Im going to do with myself.
who i got to make calls to tomorow. what im going to do with myself when i cant use my hand. when ill tell my ma about the accident. when im gonna have words with paul about us..
if i need to have words. should i leave it as be?
i make a lazy attempt at cleaning my room out, end up shuffling things around to no avail.
still unsure where to begin so I have a shower. I always do this when I dont have anything to do. not even noticing that i am clean when finished.
Erin is drawing in CJ's room, so I join her for a couple of hours. Lunchtime passes. Erin leaves. ink a picture, start another for practice. I get bored again...
Go to my room and look for something to do. its a sunny saturday so I better go outside and lap it up.
My face is ravaged. I have to blame it on Paul's dirty pillows. or him pash rashing me. how come this embarassment is happening?
put on a face mask then go outside.
Kestin and Leigh laugh at me face and invite me over for movies at 7. done.
start to read and interrupted by Ryan and Jessie. play some music on instruments...
i must have looked uber weird!
toddle over to Kestins and watch the remainder of the matrix. decide to get high, as I no longer have a job...
and no longer have to worry much about it.
fell asleep to Escaflone the movie. really boring.
woke up, rewatched it. reconfirmed that it is fucking boring, and leave for home.
i look a mess. I feel a mess. I didnt drink much but still feel seedy.
I get home. shower, feel good.
Start to clean my room. moved the PC back to my room. it is good there.
vaccume this dusty assed house. starting to get a cold, starting to feel...
long walk is decided on and for what fucking reason I never really gave myself a solid answer. Look for a desk. No desk is actually needed.
walk as far as wendys and get a burger. its not much.
discussing with Eugene about what I should do with this relationship Im having?
figured some things out in my head and made a decision that I really need to just ask questions.
txt paul some random shit to see how he replies, see if there is any tension or short answers to show he doesnt really care much? just basic replies, nothing untoward..
now i have to try figure out what Im going to do with myself.
who i got to make calls to tomorow. what im going to do with myself when i cant use my hand. when ill tell my ma about the accident. when im gonna have words with paul about us..
if i need to have words. should i leave it as be?
Wednesday, August 20
dangerous driving
is it me, or are the bus drivers in auckland really not caring how they drive anymore?
its almost 6.30pm and I catch a bus from new market to symonds street. now usually I find bus trips to be quite relaxing and slow. Maby not comfortable enough for me to rest my head on the vibrating wall or window ledge but fairly calm.
Lately, Ive tried to steer away from my usual quick naps due to the violent commotion that goes on when just getting from one end of the road to the next! There is a series of swerves as the bus driver deftly manouevers the bus around slow drivers and drivers parked up waiting to get into the motorway. Sudden shunting stops when the bus driver almost hits a car or quickly drops into a bus-stop either to eject out a passenger or swallow up another.
I often share with other passengers glances of sometimes despair, worry, and even a bit of excitement. I no longer can shut my eyes as I probably will be thrown from my seat, or have to look like a fool when my eyes fly open and I have to grab something or get some footing!
its like rock and roll getting on a bus here in auckland these days!
there was one time when I got on a over crowded bus. I shouldnt have gotten on but I enjoy the view when I am forced to stand next to the driver. It feels like standing on a flying carpet, swooping down mount eden road.
I almost had the opportunity to see what it looks like to a vehicle when it hits someone stupid enough to run in front of a bus... it was so close I can almost imagine it.
Well enough about accidents ive been in enough!!
its almost 6.30pm and I catch a bus from new market to symonds street. now usually I find bus trips to be quite relaxing and slow. Maby not comfortable enough for me to rest my head on the vibrating wall or window ledge but fairly calm.
Lately, Ive tried to steer away from my usual quick naps due to the violent commotion that goes on when just getting from one end of the road to the next! There is a series of swerves as the bus driver deftly manouevers the bus around slow drivers and drivers parked up waiting to get into the motorway. Sudden shunting stops when the bus driver almost hits a car or quickly drops into a bus-stop either to eject out a passenger or swallow up another.
I often share with other passengers glances of sometimes despair, worry, and even a bit of excitement. I no longer can shut my eyes as I probably will be thrown from my seat, or have to look like a fool when my eyes fly open and I have to grab something or get some footing!
its like rock and roll getting on a bus here in auckland these days!
there was one time when I got on a over crowded bus. I shouldnt have gotten on but I enjoy the view when I am forced to stand next to the driver. It feels like standing on a flying carpet, swooping down mount eden road.
I almost had the opportunity to see what it looks like to a vehicle when it hits someone stupid enough to run in front of a bus... it was so close I can almost imagine it.
Well enough about accidents ive been in enough!!
Friday, August 15
hanging out
long time since ive hung out in a internet cafe in the city.
The last time was when I started my deviant art account... with cameron =_=...
the chair i am sitting in may be a bit broken, and have some dodgy stains on it.... but its really comfortable! especially since my neck is really painful lately.
it slouches right back, but is kind of perfect? shapes nicely to my natural slouch :) meaning i have bad posture like a slob!!
2 nights ago I saw song online. he is my ex, and I still have feelings for him.
I dont want to get back with him at all. we dont do well as a relationship.
still, I care for him. I want to know how he is doing. if he's ok or not. or if there is anything I can do to help...
we talked for abit and caught up on MSN. he was happy that I was happy to talk to him again.
I did end the relationship myself.
I still think of him from time to time. He really is the best looking boyfriend ive ever had.
plus Im proud he's chinese :3 he has the cutest fob-chinese accent.
and i absolutely loved the way he would say no. especially in a denial kind of way.
anyhow. it was good.
I woke up early this morning, thinking that I was going to get to work early...
I woke up again at 8.30, I was already late. a txt and reminder active on my ph had stopped it from ringing out again. oh well! I planned to go to the medical center this morning to get my bandages changed anyway. I finally made it to the A&M before 10am. it was quite busy so I wasnt seen for about 30minutes. I got my hands x-rayed for comparison and analysis. as of monday those xrays belong to me :)
all up I was finished by 12.30. I took the first bus out and reached work to hand my doctors certificate. Man was I so happy that the kind nurse wrote on the certificate that I was unable to work that day!! So I ate lunch and left. got my hair cut in the city again. I dont really like the fringe...
but Peter was cutting it again. I think he has a crush or something on me.
anyhow. he has cute hongkong-fob-english.. I could listen to it all day...
Katie, CJ, and I will be watching the Dark-knight tonight.
im quite excited. those two are battling it out on WOW right now untill we get in at 11pm...
pretty bad-ass.
The last time was when I started my deviant art account... with cameron =_=...
the chair i am sitting in may be a bit broken, and have some dodgy stains on it.... but its really comfortable! especially since my neck is really painful lately.
it slouches right back, but is kind of perfect? shapes nicely to my natural slouch :) meaning i have bad posture like a slob!!
2 nights ago I saw song online. he is my ex, and I still have feelings for him.
I dont want to get back with him at all. we dont do well as a relationship.
still, I care for him. I want to know how he is doing. if he's ok or not. or if there is anything I can do to help...
we talked for abit and caught up on MSN. he was happy that I was happy to talk to him again.
I did end the relationship myself.
I still think of him from time to time. He really is the best looking boyfriend ive ever had.
plus Im proud he's chinese :3 he has the cutest fob-chinese accent.
and i absolutely loved the way he would say no. especially in a denial kind of way.
anyhow. it was good.
I woke up early this morning, thinking that I was going to get to work early...
I woke up again at 8.30, I was already late. a txt and reminder active on my ph had stopped it from ringing out again. oh well! I planned to go to the medical center this morning to get my bandages changed anyway. I finally made it to the A&M before 10am. it was quite busy so I wasnt seen for about 30minutes. I got my hands x-rayed for comparison and analysis. as of monday those xrays belong to me :)
all up I was finished by 12.30. I took the first bus out and reached work to hand my doctors certificate. Man was I so happy that the kind nurse wrote on the certificate that I was unable to work that day!! So I ate lunch and left. got my hair cut in the city again. I dont really like the fringe...
but Peter was cutting it again. I think he has a crush or something on me.
anyhow. he has cute hongkong-fob-english.. I could listen to it all day...
Katie, CJ, and I will be watching the Dark-knight tonight.
im quite excited. those two are battling it out on WOW right now untill we get in at 11pm...
pretty bad-ass.
Thursday, August 14
the only way is up
while i was recovering at home for the last two weeks, I had plenty of time to do some thinking.
I really love sleeping in, I love staying up late, I love waking up too early and actually going out to greet the sun.
I love bumming around and being able to blog like this. worrying that Im not getting enough sunlight.
I love not having to deal with assholes over the phone. I love not trying to explain over and over the same tedious details.
The last blog/rant I apolgise was a release of some of my bottled up anger.
Im pretty sure im doing the right thing now, leaving before I feel really trapped there.
im thinking in different perspectives now. things are looking more positive. Ive been looking into the natcoll courses. im pretty keen on them... part time jobs are a welcome change. I even want to do cleaning!
Plus I have decided on the spare time that I will be gaining, to develop in my artistic skills again. I want to do a comic and submit it to DMC next year. my friend Kestin will be submitting one to them soon.
On tuesday I had a ... epiphony, a inspiration to go out purchase some books. after work I took the bus to the city and went into Boarders. Im not sure what I was looking for but though about how to draw manga books.
I did a mass purchase. one on how to draw manga:penning characters, Robot:super colour comic, How to Ink, crash course in comics, and The DC guide to writing comics.
Ive read through the inking guide, now reading through the writing comics guide. it is all very good.
its giving me alot of hope. If I do the natcoll certificate course I will learn abit more about how to use photoshop and how to develop some design skills.
I will likely meet more like-minded people, that will be pretty exciting.
its a fairly short course, but enough to get me started. then I may try again for Auckland University...
speaking of which. I got a letter from them today.
it says:Special Admission.
meaning I have to take one of those year long idiot courses...
i think its a course for illiterate adults...
what shame...
guess I wont be trying for july 2009 then...
and I had University Entrance.
one day I will have to call them to find out why I cant go straight into study.
Oh well. There goes my dream of studying under Manying Ip. what a jib.
...
I really love sleeping in, I love staying up late, I love waking up too early and actually going out to greet the sun.
I love bumming around and being able to blog like this. worrying that Im not getting enough sunlight.
I love not having to deal with assholes over the phone. I love not trying to explain over and over the same tedious details.
The last blog/rant I apolgise was a release of some of my bottled up anger.
Im pretty sure im doing the right thing now, leaving before I feel really trapped there.
im thinking in different perspectives now. things are looking more positive. Ive been looking into the natcoll courses. im pretty keen on them... part time jobs are a welcome change. I even want to do cleaning!
Plus I have decided on the spare time that I will be gaining, to develop in my artistic skills again. I want to do a comic and submit it to DMC next year. my friend Kestin will be submitting one to them soon.
On tuesday I had a ... epiphony, a inspiration to go out purchase some books. after work I took the bus to the city and went into Boarders. Im not sure what I was looking for but though about how to draw manga books.
I did a mass purchase. one on how to draw manga:penning characters, Robot:super colour comic, How to Ink, crash course in comics, and The DC guide to writing comics.
Ive read through the inking guide, now reading through the writing comics guide. it is all very good.
its giving me alot of hope. If I do the natcoll certificate course I will learn abit more about how to use photoshop and how to develop some design skills.
I will likely meet more like-minded people, that will be pretty exciting.
its a fairly short course, but enough to get me started. then I may try again for Auckland University...
speaking of which. I got a letter from them today.
it says:Special Admission.
meaning I have to take one of those year long idiot courses...
i think its a course for illiterate adults...
what shame...
guess I wont be trying for july 2009 then...
and I had University Entrance.
one day I will have to call them to find out why I cant go straight into study.
Oh well. There goes my dream of studying under Manying Ip. what a jib.
...
Wednesday, August 13
resignation on the 13th
well, ive finally done it.
ive handed in my resignation. im not sure if I have done the right thing or not?
but im sure glad. today was a good example of why I hate my job..
"ok, so you have a oil heater and you are running it for about 8hours over night... and that is just one of your 3 oil heaters. and it is 2400w, calculating this it is costing you roughly about $140 a month to run... perhaps you should use all three less if you dont agree with your $500 bill Ma'am. Im not saying that your children should freeze to death its just no one is asking you to run it for 8hours a day and even if it is on low it makes no difference its still pulling power. No Ma'am I am not lecturing you. (I am simply frustrated with having to deal with fuckwits like you ALL FUCKING DAY like you are so self righteous in your beleif that power is Free and that the bills during winter going up is just so ridiculous. the use of Heaters should be every Kiwi's right and it should be Free!) Yes Ma'am your meter has been read. monthly infact. Yes it has been used for this bill. Oh dear do you have to wait for your husband to come home and read it for you? (Poor you, you insulated and retarded back-wash of a house wife) Ok have you read the Herald they do have a very good article about heatpumps and oil heaters being the culprit of many household high bills? I am trying to help you (you just dont want me to help you)... hang up..
Yes sir we do require that you do a 7 day read to help determine first if it is an appliance that is the cause of your highbill, this will help to avoid you having to pay a call out fee if the meter is not faulty. No sir we do not just provide this as a free service. The technician needs to be paid. What you pay for in power is covering retail and network costs. ok heres my manager (you twat, Heres something free, my boot up your ass)
.... ok so you are not running any heater, you have a excessively large bill, the read is correct, and you tell me you are running a Industrial airconditioner in your home.... (you fail)
... excuse me? strangle me?
... oh we are supposed to know that you moved out of your house 3 months ago? you never called us? no we will not be closing it off to when you moved out three months ago.
Ok I ask you this question because I dont know who you are and who you are to this person. Anyone can tell me that they are this persons daughter. Its part of the privacy act for a good reason. I am trying to help, trust me. anyone else would have hung up on you by now.
...you are only running lightbulbs in this site, we have actual reads which suggest otherwise sir. can you please have another look.
No i cant tell what model kettle you are running in your kitchen (you fucking blonde) nor how long you would run it for.
I cant just press a button and the power would suddenly turn off at your house (although I fucking wish there was a Magical red button to do so you drop-kick)
Seriously, although we are in the age of many wonderful technologies... I wonder why the fuck people still think that some big companies have crystal balls, robots answering the phones, and magic red buttons... I cant beleive the amount of morons that I have had to deal with.
And some people wonder why phone queues are so long. Its because the unsung and unappreciated customer services rep has to take so much shit with even so much as a sorry or a thanks. Just a clunk or a screech when some inbred decides the truth is too much to handle or really cant do the math and hangs up.
one day I am going to write to that damned sideswipe column in the herald and I am gonna say my piece. in the plight of the lowly customer service reps around the world. I hate this job.
its really time to move on when it affects you outside of work.
To all the assholes that have pissed me off I truely hope your hair burns off your scalp.
Bitching over and out.
ive handed in my resignation. im not sure if I have done the right thing or not?
but im sure glad. today was a good example of why I hate my job..
"ok, so you have a oil heater and you are running it for about 8hours over night... and that is just one of your 3 oil heaters. and it is 2400w, calculating this it is costing you roughly about $140 a month to run... perhaps you should use all three less if you dont agree with your $500 bill Ma'am. Im not saying that your children should freeze to death its just no one is asking you to run it for 8hours a day and even if it is on low it makes no difference its still pulling power. No Ma'am I am not lecturing you. (I am simply frustrated with having to deal with fuckwits like you ALL FUCKING DAY like you are so self righteous in your beleif that power is Free and that the bills during winter going up is just so ridiculous. the use of Heaters should be every Kiwi's right and it should be Free!) Yes Ma'am your meter has been read. monthly infact. Yes it has been used for this bill. Oh dear do you have to wait for your husband to come home and read it for you? (Poor you, you insulated and retarded back-wash of a house wife) Ok have you read the Herald they do have a very good article about heatpumps and oil heaters being the culprit of many household high bills? I am trying to help you (you just dont want me to help you)... hang up..
Yes sir we do require that you do a 7 day read to help determine first if it is an appliance that is the cause of your highbill, this will help to avoid you having to pay a call out fee if the meter is not faulty. No sir we do not just provide this as a free service. The technician needs to be paid. What you pay for in power is covering retail and network costs. ok heres my manager (you twat, Heres something free, my boot up your ass)
.... ok so you are not running any heater, you have a excessively large bill, the read is correct, and you tell me you are running a Industrial airconditioner in your home.... (you fail)
... excuse me? strangle me?
... oh we are supposed to know that you moved out of your house 3 months ago? you never called us? no we will not be closing it off to when you moved out three months ago.
Ok I ask you this question because I dont know who you are and who you are to this person. Anyone can tell me that they are this persons daughter. Its part of the privacy act for a good reason. I am trying to help, trust me. anyone else would have hung up on you by now.
...you are only running lightbulbs in this site, we have actual reads which suggest otherwise sir. can you please have another look.
No i cant tell what model kettle you are running in your kitchen (you fucking blonde) nor how long you would run it for.
I cant just press a button and the power would suddenly turn off at your house (although I fucking wish there was a Magical red button to do so you drop-kick)
Seriously, although we are in the age of many wonderful technologies... I wonder why the fuck people still think that some big companies have crystal balls, robots answering the phones, and magic red buttons... I cant beleive the amount of morons that I have had to deal with.
And some people wonder why phone queues are so long. Its because the unsung and unappreciated customer services rep has to take so much shit with even so much as a sorry or a thanks. Just a clunk or a screech when some inbred decides the truth is too much to handle or really cant do the math and hangs up.
one day I am going to write to that damned sideswipe column in the herald and I am gonna say my piece. in the plight of the lowly customer service reps around the world. I hate this job.
its really time to move on when it affects you outside of work.
To all the assholes that have pissed me off I truely hope your hair burns off your scalp.
Bitching over and out.
Wednesday, July 30
another accident
it happened again, except abit worse than back in April.
and I would just like to first say, sorry to Lia and Moana for not telling you sooner!
secondly, if you are squemish DONT READ. some icky parts coming up.
Another week at work finally ended on Friday after 5. The University requested another document last minute in order to process my application!! as I finish early on Fridays I got my papers, jumped on my scooter and shot up khyber pass road to get there.
On the corner of Khyber pass and Park Rd at a red light I sat on my scooter at the head of the queue waiting for a green light so i can shoot and weave my way through the built up traffic trying to get up park road towards the hospital.
at the lights outside of Shell on Park Road a Black Ute held up traffic all the way back to Khyber Pass. there was no one in front of the Ute, I couldnt see why it was holding up the traffic as it was a green light. So I over took that Ute and continued down Park Road. The road ahead was clear and the opposite side was crowded with cars. Road works had narrowed the lanes together.
As I neared the exit from the Domain a gap had appeared between the jammed cars to let a Taxi get inbetween it...
Unfortunately for me, the stupid idiot pulled out in front of me.
Because the cars were so close together, we could not see each other. especially since I am just riding a moped.
in the last second I saw the nose of the taxi sharply pull in front of me. I crashed into his front left hand side, by the wheel. I have no idea what happened from there, I just remember flying over and hitting the ground. Rolling over onto my back, realising my limbs were still attached and screaming like in a bloody murder.
Suddenly there were people around me and I still screamed untill they told me to breathe...
I managed to get my breathing under control in deep heavy breaths.
I suddenly remembered my previous accident. For strange reasons, I was quite annoyed that the last one was not so bad. It was almost like a dumb accident. (dont ask, I am strange).
The sky was nice to look at. I laughed and said "Im glad the hospital is just over there!"
A few people laughed, I guess they were a little shocked to see someone just in a accident have a sense of humor.
As the pangs of pain started to clutch me again I rolled my eyes back and yelled "Son of a Bitch!"
...
The strange thing was though, I fixed my eyes on a particular man. I felt a bit terrible..
I apologized to a man who had seen the whole thing and was at my side the whole time for getting blood on his jumper. I noticed there was a bit of blood on my helmet visor. (my flatmate later found that there was no cracks or dents on my helmet)
A Doctor told me not to move my neck as I could have broken it. an ambulance arrived shortly after and carefully walked me into the Ambulance.
Mentioned was that my scooter is leaking petrol. I gave someone my keys to get my belongings out of the scooter. I thanked the man who stayed at my side. I remember him saying that I landed pretty well, if you could describe crash landings as good or bad?
after a short and bumpy ride I was wheel-chaired into the hospital. I had a pretty good sense of humor by then. Last time I was still in shock...
I was put in a temporary room on a "wheelie bed" where I was left to myself for about 15-20 minutes. I called my flatmates hoping that they could come in. I needed somebody to be there with me.
Calling my mother was the last thing i wanted. All because, she was on the 8th floor of the same hospital, recovering from surgery removing a tumor from her spine.
She had told me after every visit to please be safe, don't ride my scooter in wet weather and go straight home after visiting. She was really worried about me...
And I had meant to visit her that day, after handing in those papers and a poster into GNC for a art festival that had been held the next day.
I was pretty disappointed, so I had to text her that something had come up and I hope she's doing well.
I called CJ and Dave, they didnt answer their phones so I txt CJ to please come in. I wasnt sure if Erin had come back, so called Ryan. He was either deaf or what but I ended up screaming at him to get down to the hospital. I dont know why I started screaming at him? I blame the shock :)
About an hour later CJ called to say she's coming in. another hour later Erin and CJ arrived, they caught the bus here. I was pretty amazed at how fast the time went by. Only one doc had come in to see me. Checked out my wounds and got me to stand up. By that time I really could tell something was wrong with my left arm. It really brought a lot of pain to me and made me cry.
after my muscles relaxed abit the pain went away.
When CJ and Erin came in I still wasnt given any Ice for my bruises, and I was pretty fricken hungry! So CJ got my poster and shot off to GNC to hand it in. After that I was wheeled off to the xrays with Erin and got my left arm scanned.
The results were that I had fractured the head of the radius. So straight up and down movement was ok, just twisting will really hurt.
I got wheeled into a new room, however a nurse came in (he spluttered ;___;) and cleaned me up with Iodine before the Doc came in and REALLY poked around in the deep cut that I had over my right ankle. Poor Erin had to see that!
Then he pulled out a surgical kit, and filled a HUGE syringe up with some clear liquid.
I stared to freak out a bit and grabbed Erins hand saying "its just a candy cane! a Cherry Flavoured Candy Cane! With Watermelon flavouring too!!!!!!!!!!!"
But all he did with it was clean out the wound, make sure there was nothing inside.
Then he pulled out a smaller syringe, which he poked into the skin around the wound. That was the nummer.
With a bit of tears in my eyes I looked at Erin and said "Oh Thank goodness I think its Over!"
Eh no... He pulled out a surgery sheet with a hole large enough for my ankle and a round needle with line attached...
Boy there was no pain but having it poked into my ankle yeah I could feel that!
I tried to keep my squirming only to every thing but my right leg, and tried hard to not look at the surgery, thankful that I kept my left knee in the way. Just after that was over CJ walked in the room. She had just missed the good stuff!
She brought me food!! and I scoffed down a red bean bun like I wanted to breathe it in.
Erin had to leave, and CJ hung with me. I got another xray of my ankle, and we waited another hour for the doctor to release me.
About 2 hours to my release Ryan txt me to offer a ride home, aint no fucking way I was or will ever again get a ride from a Taxi driver!
So at about 10.30, I was released. Ryan and (red) David gave me a ride home.
And all I wanted to do by then was scrub out the bathtub and soak...
damn I couldnt put my legs in the water... my right leg was about really swollen. it was about half size bigger than my left leg and just about entirely covered in a red/purple bruise.
I have minor scrapes on my hands, but a long scrape along the front of my right leg.
There was a huge rip in my jeans with white paint smeared onto it. my tops are relativley unscathed.
its been six days since the accident now.
I really want to tell my friends, but im not sure how to go about it.
im not sure if I want them to get worried about it.
The thing I am worried about now, is what to do?
When the police officer met me in hospital he did not offer me anything, I dont even remember him saying that he will contact me again?
He did give me his contact card, and I have emailled him my scooter registration details.
I have to call Chris from city garage to come down to the tow away dudes to check out my scooter. whether it is a write off or repairable. though by petrol leaking out, i really dont think so.
I will also take the driver to a small disputes tribunal.
But I really need someone with a strong personality to come with me.
I want to call my old boarding mother, but it would just be putting her out.
I dont know who else to call though?
I have called victim support who suggested the small disputes tribunal, but im really at a loss now what to do about it..
I cant just sit back like I always do, and I have to avoid my family finding out, I dont want my mother to know.
she would just worry too much, and that would just be bad for her health.
...
pfft.
one good thing tho, i got my laptop delivered ^__^
and I would just like to first say, sorry to Lia and Moana for not telling you sooner!
secondly, if you are squemish DONT READ. some icky parts coming up.
Another week at work finally ended on Friday after 5. The University requested another document last minute in order to process my application!! as I finish early on Fridays I got my papers, jumped on my scooter and shot up khyber pass road to get there.
On the corner of Khyber pass and Park Rd at a red light I sat on my scooter at the head of the queue waiting for a green light so i can shoot and weave my way through the built up traffic trying to get up park road towards the hospital.
at the lights outside of Shell on Park Road a Black Ute held up traffic all the way back to Khyber Pass. there was no one in front of the Ute, I couldnt see why it was holding up the traffic as it was a green light. So I over took that Ute and continued down Park Road. The road ahead was clear and the opposite side was crowded with cars. Road works had narrowed the lanes together.
As I neared the exit from the Domain a gap had appeared between the jammed cars to let a Taxi get inbetween it...
Unfortunately for me, the stupid idiot pulled out in front of me.
Because the cars were so close together, we could not see each other. especially since I am just riding a moped.
in the last second I saw the nose of the taxi sharply pull in front of me. I crashed into his front left hand side, by the wheel. I have no idea what happened from there, I just remember flying over and hitting the ground. Rolling over onto my back, realising my limbs were still attached and screaming like in a bloody murder.
Suddenly there were people around me and I still screamed untill they told me to breathe...
I managed to get my breathing under control in deep heavy breaths.
I suddenly remembered my previous accident. For strange reasons, I was quite annoyed that the last one was not so bad. It was almost like a dumb accident. (dont ask, I am strange).
The sky was nice to look at. I laughed and said "Im glad the hospital is just over there!"
A few people laughed, I guess they were a little shocked to see someone just in a accident have a sense of humor.
As the pangs of pain started to clutch me again I rolled my eyes back and yelled "Son of a Bitch!"
...
The strange thing was though, I fixed my eyes on a particular man. I felt a bit terrible..
I apologized to a man who had seen the whole thing and was at my side the whole time for getting blood on his jumper. I noticed there was a bit of blood on my helmet visor. (my flatmate later found that there was no cracks or dents on my helmet)
A Doctor told me not to move my neck as I could have broken it. an ambulance arrived shortly after and carefully walked me into the Ambulance.
Mentioned was that my scooter is leaking petrol. I gave someone my keys to get my belongings out of the scooter. I thanked the man who stayed at my side. I remember him saying that I landed pretty well, if you could describe crash landings as good or bad?
after a short and bumpy ride I was wheel-chaired into the hospital. I had a pretty good sense of humor by then. Last time I was still in shock...
I was put in a temporary room on a "wheelie bed" where I was left to myself for about 15-20 minutes. I called my flatmates hoping that they could come in. I needed somebody to be there with me.
Calling my mother was the last thing i wanted. All because, she was on the 8th floor of the same hospital, recovering from surgery removing a tumor from her spine.
She had told me after every visit to please be safe, don't ride my scooter in wet weather and go straight home after visiting. She was really worried about me...
And I had meant to visit her that day, after handing in those papers and a poster into GNC for a art festival that had been held the next day.
I was pretty disappointed, so I had to text her that something had come up and I hope she's doing well.
I called CJ and Dave, they didnt answer their phones so I txt CJ to please come in. I wasnt sure if Erin had come back, so called Ryan. He was either deaf or what but I ended up screaming at him to get down to the hospital. I dont know why I started screaming at him? I blame the shock :)
About an hour later CJ called to say she's coming in. another hour later Erin and CJ arrived, they caught the bus here. I was pretty amazed at how fast the time went by. Only one doc had come in to see me. Checked out my wounds and got me to stand up. By that time I really could tell something was wrong with my left arm. It really brought a lot of pain to me and made me cry.
after my muscles relaxed abit the pain went away.
When CJ and Erin came in I still wasnt given any Ice for my bruises, and I was pretty fricken hungry! So CJ got my poster and shot off to GNC to hand it in. After that I was wheeled off to the xrays with Erin and got my left arm scanned.
The results were that I had fractured the head of the radius. So straight up and down movement was ok, just twisting will really hurt.
I got wheeled into a new room, however a nurse came in (he spluttered ;___;) and cleaned me up with Iodine before the Doc came in and REALLY poked around in the deep cut that I had over my right ankle. Poor Erin had to see that!
Then he pulled out a surgical kit, and filled a HUGE syringe up with some clear liquid.
I stared to freak out a bit and grabbed Erins hand saying "its just a candy cane! a Cherry Flavoured Candy Cane! With Watermelon flavouring too!!!!!!!!!!!"
But all he did with it was clean out the wound, make sure there was nothing inside.
Then he pulled out a smaller syringe, which he poked into the skin around the wound. That was the nummer.
With a bit of tears in my eyes I looked at Erin and said "Oh Thank goodness I think its Over!"
Eh no... He pulled out a surgery sheet with a hole large enough for my ankle and a round needle with line attached...
Boy there was no pain but having it poked into my ankle yeah I could feel that!
I tried to keep my squirming only to every thing but my right leg, and tried hard to not look at the surgery, thankful that I kept my left knee in the way. Just after that was over CJ walked in the room. She had just missed the good stuff!
She brought me food!! and I scoffed down a red bean bun like I wanted to breathe it in.
Erin had to leave, and CJ hung with me. I got another xray of my ankle, and we waited another hour for the doctor to release me.
About 2 hours to my release Ryan txt me to offer a ride home, aint no fucking way I was or will ever again get a ride from a Taxi driver!
So at about 10.30, I was released. Ryan and (red) David gave me a ride home.
And all I wanted to do by then was scrub out the bathtub and soak...
damn I couldnt put my legs in the water... my right leg was about really swollen. it was about half size bigger than my left leg and just about entirely covered in a red/purple bruise.
I have minor scrapes on my hands, but a long scrape along the front of my right leg.
There was a huge rip in my jeans with white paint smeared onto it. my tops are relativley unscathed.
its been six days since the accident now.
I really want to tell my friends, but im not sure how to go about it.
im not sure if I want them to get worried about it.
The thing I am worried about now, is what to do?
When the police officer met me in hospital he did not offer me anything, I dont even remember him saying that he will contact me again?
He did give me his contact card, and I have emailled him my scooter registration details.
I have to call Chris from city garage to come down to the tow away dudes to check out my scooter. whether it is a write off or repairable. though by petrol leaking out, i really dont think so.
I will also take the driver to a small disputes tribunal.
But I really need someone with a strong personality to come with me.
I want to call my old boarding mother, but it would just be putting her out.
I dont know who else to call though?
I have called victim support who suggested the small disputes tribunal, but im really at a loss now what to do about it..
I cant just sit back like I always do, and I have to avoid my family finding out, I dont want my mother to know.
she would just worry too much, and that would just be bad for her health.
...
pfft.
one good thing tho, i got my laptop delivered ^__^
Saturday, July 5
stress
mood: sad/stressed
listening to: Escaflowne - Mystic Eyes
eating: cold spagetti
over the last two weeks i have been quite stressed out.
My heart seems to be beating frantically every now and then.
I have much work to catch up on, in life and in my occupation. there are many people I have to call, and I dont like to make call outs.
This is strange, as I work in a call center... I should be ok with it?
But I'm not. Its not good you know?
If you dont do what is necessary, take responsibility, then things get worse...
such as being threatened to have your overdues sent to a collections agency...
oweing money, having bad credit ratings, oweing more money because of fines and cancellation fees...
I now have a list of 5 people to call...
Work is stressful. In that my back aches and there is sore 'crunchy' bits between my shoulder blades and on my neck/shoulders. Torrents of people calling because they are too stupid to realise that they are the cause of their high bills. complaints about not getting bills. followup's to complaints. sore eyes which are starting to loose focus.
Trying to enroll into University of Auckland, hoping with all hope to get in and live the even more stressful life of a student. the expectation that I will live in near poverty again. live in poor health and a poor diet. Struggling with keeping on top of studies. hoping to complete the workload expectations. Applying for studylink to help me out, and to juggle work and study together.
... my mother is going into hospital. sooner than expected.
She goes in tomorow, for surgery. Im not sure what to do. She wont be walking for some time after the surgery. @__@. She wont be able to live at her home, as it is all stairs. instead she will have to live on the shore with family.
I hate my cousin with a passion. I despise her and at times, her mother as well.
will likely have to move out of my flat to live with her for awhile to help out with things. such as cooking, cleaning, washing, morale?
If not, then to constantly check up on her house. public transport only.
I dont want to leave this flat.
Yes, I am selfish.
i already am susceptible to my own pathetic lows.
I wish I had someone to tell me to shut the fuck up and quit worrying like a wimp.
like my brother used to always do.
With his words I felt confident to shed those worries. with his big arms squeezing my shoulders and cuffing me on the chin i really could feel silly about my little weaknesses.
Start being more reasonable...
sometimes, so hard to smile.
I tell others to be positive. to write positive things. think positive things. do positive things.
I can hardly do it myself.
but lets try :)
1. smile, giggle, read jokes
2. go to canihasacheesburger (lol cats) :3
3. play happy music
4. talk to someone, ask them to tell you something good, happy. something good that happened to them.
I guess this really wont work, if you dont first let your feelings out.
...
(7.27pm)
Ive told CJ how I feel.
im feeling better now :)
im watching fruits basket. I feel better.
im just going stop here for now.
listening to: Escaflowne - Mystic Eyes
eating: cold spagetti
over the last two weeks i have been quite stressed out.
My heart seems to be beating frantically every now and then.
I have much work to catch up on, in life and in my occupation. there are many people I have to call, and I dont like to make call outs.
This is strange, as I work in a call center... I should be ok with it?
But I'm not. Its not good you know?
If you dont do what is necessary, take responsibility, then things get worse...
such as being threatened to have your overdues sent to a collections agency...
oweing money, having bad credit ratings, oweing more money because of fines and cancellation fees...
I now have a list of 5 people to call...
Work is stressful. In that my back aches and there is sore 'crunchy' bits between my shoulder blades and on my neck/shoulders. Torrents of people calling because they are too stupid to realise that they are the cause of their high bills. complaints about not getting bills. followup's to complaints. sore eyes which are starting to loose focus.
Trying to enroll into University of Auckland, hoping with all hope to get in and live the even more stressful life of a student. the expectation that I will live in near poverty again. live in poor health and a poor diet. Struggling with keeping on top of studies. hoping to complete the workload expectations. Applying for studylink to help me out, and to juggle work and study together.
... my mother is going into hospital. sooner than expected.
She goes in tomorow, for surgery. Im not sure what to do. She wont be walking for some time after the surgery. @__@. She wont be able to live at her home, as it is all stairs. instead she will have to live on the shore with family.
I hate my cousin with a passion. I despise her and at times, her mother as well.
will likely have to move out of my flat to live with her for awhile to help out with things. such as cooking, cleaning, washing, morale?
If not, then to constantly check up on her house. public transport only.
I dont want to leave this flat.
Yes, I am selfish.
i already am susceptible to my own pathetic lows.
I wish I had someone to tell me to shut the fuck up and quit worrying like a wimp.
like my brother used to always do.
With his words I felt confident to shed those worries. with his big arms squeezing my shoulders and cuffing me on the chin i really could feel silly about my little weaknesses.
Start being more reasonable...
sometimes, so hard to smile.
I tell others to be positive. to write positive things. think positive things. do positive things.
I can hardly do it myself.
but lets try :)
1. smile, giggle, read jokes
2. go to canihasacheesburger (lol cats) :3
3. play happy music
4. talk to someone, ask them to tell you something good, happy. something good that happened to them.
I guess this really wont work, if you dont first let your feelings out.
...
(7.27pm)
Ive told CJ how I feel.
im feeling better now :)
im watching fruits basket. I feel better.
im just going stop here for now.
Tuesday, May 27
Monday, May 26
Ana Bunnies Bday!
f'n fantastic weekend and I cant stop thinking of our craziness...
I got my scooter back wednesday, used it to see the surgeon on Thursday just for a quote on cost's and hung out with my brother later in the day. Hes back from Timore Lest.
Friday I shot off to town on the 7.20 bus to catch the 12 hour long "naked" bus down to wellington. it was nice to see the country side again. I really missed the manawatu and horowhenua country sides. broad lands and never ending skies, unhedged by bloody buildings and smog.
Renee picked me up and I had a bath at her place. I really liked that place, a one bedroom apartment with entrance, bathroom and kitchen. And totally Screaming LEALA LIVES HERE with the decor. Ana bunny came over later and we went out and brought some groceries to make Vodka Jellies (my new favourite!).
I crashed early on the bed and woke up in the morning with 2 girls (hahhahhaha Kestin would love to read that). Ana shot off to work and me and renee got ready for the day. She gave me the nee' tiki tour of wellington and renewed my love for it. I cant wait till im finished with Auckland, i definately want to end up in wellington.
I hadnt eaten and not wearing my glasses was giving me a headache. I got some premixers (Loud and Lola's Cosmopolitian and Mai Tai) and more groceries.
I wore in my new kneehigh boots and really starved for SOMETHING Nee took me to a Chilean restauraunt for Lunch. she had never been in there before but was recommended it.
As soon as we entered this chilean the owners eyes went straight for Nee. we saw a Frida Kahlo art book and said "this must be a sign"...
Quite Likely!
We had tortilla's, while Christian told us about Chile, the communist to capitalist changeover in the 70's, coming to new zealand, our laid back way vs their hard working ethic, ditching english study for living here in NZ, about the flag, etc etc, untill he finally came out with after his flirting assalt on Nee and asked her out.
hahaha, that was cute and funny
"all these curves and not enough break time"
oh poor Christian, nee was politely rejecting it and trying to back out. He would not let us go!
finally ended it by insisting that we had to go out and finish our shopping, persisting until he got nee's ph no. and maby, just maby she will call him later on that night to tell him where she is and that they can have a dance together...
anyway. apart from the very amusing flirt fest going on the food was pretty fantastic and so was the decor... not to mention the cute chef.
we took off but decided not to continue with shopping, went back to the flat and then got ready.
Nee convinced Claire to wear her Alice in Wonderland outfit, and Kemara to wear his old Army Uniform. Then took off to Denice's house (Ana's friend) to start our drinking and partying.
spent some considerable time in the bedroom mucking around with hair and makeup and perfume. the rest of the time just being absolute photo whores and mixing and mingling.
As the night got on we started dancing and then the "smutty" dancing before absolutely insisting that we ALL go out on the town.
we all piled out, girls changed clothes (except Nee, she had to wear the sexy safari/army uniform, I just took off the dress and wore some hotshorts)
I dont know what bar we hit but we had to go up some grand sweeping stairs. We headbanged it to the indy band that was going live. Then I lapdanced someone? girl danced, got bored and took off to a hiphop club.
more drinking and dirty dancing.
By this time Nee was with some guy, but both in the understanding that they just wanted to be friends. Which is fair enough!
We took off to another club, I have no idea where we are now. We ran into Christian there,
and lucky for Nee, she had that dude and quickly grabbed his had to avoid Christian.
Poor poor christian. He brought me a drink, and then I went to the dance floor with his friend, the Chef...
Several times I had to hide what he was doing, and slap his hands off!
...
...
several hours later, he asked me what my name was...
what could I do but laugh! that is one of the funniest things ever!
so, introductions made, we went to sleep untill he woke me at 7.30 in the morning.
I went crazy and ripped on my clothes, ran outside calling renee.
I was really lost right then. I had about 10 minutes to get on the 12 hour bus back home. I couldnt miss it. Rodrigo came out and gave me some taxi money. I dropped my phone and had to dry it in the taxi.
I never asked for his details. its best though. that is way too crazy.
I got to nee's and ran up stairs, grabbed my stuff and ran back down to get in the taxi (bastard went back down the hill)
we made it to the bus just in time.
I felt hellah gross, I really needed a shower and still smelt like smex.
Gosh that was so filthy, im so thankful that there was a shower and a half hour stop in Palmerston North!
the rest of the trip was very uncomfortable. I wish I had a pillow.
I saw a girl that was third form when I was in seventh form and we hung out for the rest of the trip to auckland.
Finally, home sweet home.
On the bus back was Kestin, David, Chris, Sam, &Mikel. so got to catch up with Kestin. Later we all went over to their new flat, its way too cool.
I got my scooter back wednesday, used it to see the surgeon on Thursday just for a quote on cost's and hung out with my brother later in the day. Hes back from Timore Lest.
Friday I shot off to town on the 7.20 bus to catch the 12 hour long "naked" bus down to wellington. it was nice to see the country side again. I really missed the manawatu and horowhenua country sides. broad lands and never ending skies, unhedged by bloody buildings and smog.
Renee picked me up and I had a bath at her place. I really liked that place, a one bedroom apartment with entrance, bathroom and kitchen. And totally Screaming LEALA LIVES HERE with the decor. Ana bunny came over later and we went out and brought some groceries to make Vodka Jellies (my new favourite!).
I crashed early on the bed and woke up in the morning with 2 girls (hahhahhaha Kestin would love to read that). Ana shot off to work and me and renee got ready for the day. She gave me the nee' tiki tour of wellington and renewed my love for it. I cant wait till im finished with Auckland, i definately want to end up in wellington.
I hadnt eaten and not wearing my glasses was giving me a headache. I got some premixers (Loud and Lola's Cosmopolitian and Mai Tai) and more groceries.
I wore in my new kneehigh boots and really starved for SOMETHING Nee took me to a Chilean restauraunt for Lunch. she had never been in there before but was recommended it.
As soon as we entered this chilean the owners eyes went straight for Nee. we saw a Frida Kahlo art book and said "this must be a sign"...
Quite Likely!
We had tortilla's, while Christian told us about Chile, the communist to capitalist changeover in the 70's, coming to new zealand, our laid back way vs their hard working ethic, ditching english study for living here in NZ, about the flag, etc etc, untill he finally came out with after his flirting assalt on Nee and asked her out.
hahaha, that was cute and funny
"all these curves and not enough break time"
oh poor Christian, nee was politely rejecting it and trying to back out. He would not let us go!
finally ended it by insisting that we had to go out and finish our shopping, persisting until he got nee's ph no. and maby, just maby she will call him later on that night to tell him where she is and that they can have a dance together...
anyway. apart from the very amusing flirt fest going on the food was pretty fantastic and so was the decor... not to mention the cute chef.
we took off but decided not to continue with shopping, went back to the flat and then got ready.
Nee convinced Claire to wear her Alice in Wonderland outfit, and Kemara to wear his old Army Uniform. Then took off to Denice's house (Ana's friend) to start our drinking and partying.
spent some considerable time in the bedroom mucking around with hair and makeup and perfume. the rest of the time just being absolute photo whores and mixing and mingling.
As the night got on we started dancing and then the "smutty" dancing before absolutely insisting that we ALL go out on the town.
we all piled out, girls changed clothes (except Nee, she had to wear the sexy safari/army uniform, I just took off the dress and wore some hotshorts)
I dont know what bar we hit but we had to go up some grand sweeping stairs. We headbanged it to the indy band that was going live. Then I lapdanced someone? girl danced, got bored and took off to a hiphop club.
more drinking and dirty dancing.
By this time Nee was with some guy, but both in the understanding that they just wanted to be friends. Which is fair enough!
We took off to another club, I have no idea where we are now. We ran into Christian there,
and lucky for Nee, she had that dude and quickly grabbed his had to avoid Christian.
Poor poor christian. He brought me a drink, and then I went to the dance floor with his friend, the Chef...
Several times I had to hide what he was doing, and slap his hands off!
...
...
several hours later, he asked me what my name was...
what could I do but laugh! that is one of the funniest things ever!
so, introductions made, we went to sleep untill he woke me at 7.30 in the morning.
I went crazy and ripped on my clothes, ran outside calling renee.
I was really lost right then. I had about 10 minutes to get on the 12 hour bus back home. I couldnt miss it. Rodrigo came out and gave me some taxi money. I dropped my phone and had to dry it in the taxi.
I never asked for his details. its best though. that is way too crazy.
I got to nee's and ran up stairs, grabbed my stuff and ran back down to get in the taxi (bastard went back down the hill)
we made it to the bus just in time.
I felt hellah gross, I really needed a shower and still smelt like smex.
Gosh that was so filthy, im so thankful that there was a shower and a half hour stop in Palmerston North!
the rest of the trip was very uncomfortable. I wish I had a pillow.
I saw a girl that was third form when I was in seventh form and we hung out for the rest of the trip to auckland.
Finally, home sweet home.
On the bus back was Kestin, David, Chris, Sam, &Mikel. so got to catch up with Kestin. Later we all went over to their new flat, its way too cool.
Tuesday, May 20
my crazy birthday week
well, havent blogged in a while. and I have promised to blog this event.
So here goes!
A month ago, on monday the 21st I dont know why, but I got severely depressed at work.
i should not be depressed especially at work, because I got a job to NOT be depressed!!
All day I felt blue, literally. I could not get the colour blue out of my mind. I felt like watching the big blue again, with that hot scicillian diver and rosanna arquette. (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095250/). I wanted to sit in a pool in a mediterranean backyard and stare at the sky through the water. I wanted to drown.
Funnily enough, as soon as I jumped on my scooter I felt super elated, like super happy. (am I bipolar?!)
Got home and I was singing my ass off!
The next day, which is when it really began, I jumped on my scooter before 9. it was drizzly but not enough to make me go on the bus.
as I was nearing Normanby road, the drizzle had lifted and I clearly thought to my self "wow, today is going to be a good day!".
I decelerated as I made my slow turn into Normanby and suddenly thought as the road came really close to my face "um i think Im a bit low...."
CRASH!
spun in a 360 with my scooter (prolly more like 180) and jumped up before I hit the curb, to end up standing there hyperventilating hoping that my bike was out of every ones way and worried more that no one would help.
Just like those bastards didnt help my brother when he came flying off his bicycle in Palmerston North.
4 People pulled over to help me and my bike and ushered me over to the office on the corner.
I was called a ambulance and my foot partially bandaged up.
In the hospital they did a xray of my foot and treated it. a junior doctor strike was happening at that time, so the seniors were earning double that day (over $500 a hour). I was interviewed by a officer (who looked familar??) and got a tetnaus shot. that didnt hurt.
embarissingly I told mom "if I had known this would happen I would have shaved my legs!"
I had the rest of the week off, played many hours of FFXII, followed by a farewell party for Miho on Thursday 24th. I got plenty wasted :), especially since it was my birthday too.
Saturday we held a combined birthday party at my flat with live music and fun times.
Sunday, I finally admitted to Ryan and CJ, that I was feeling depressed and a bit suicidal.
I really needed to tell someone. I knew that I should stop bottling all these feelings up, and I trust these two considerably much.
And they have been the best ear I have ever had.
Monday I was shot down again because of a stupid misunderstanding with Miho.
Best to just forget about her, she wasnt really a nice person anyway.
And on top of this, I get a call from my mother telling me that my scooter was still at the bloody office when i had called "a Friend" to go and pick it up on Thursday or Saturday (Friday being Anzac Day).
So I called the office and apologised to the receptionist who REALLY bitched at me. GOH i am NOT sending you a thankyou card now. FORGET IT!
so I called my "friend" THREE TIMES that day to go get the bike.
I came down to the motorcycle shop and it still was not there.
So I said to my flat mate "fuck him, we will get it."
And we did. I shouted Ryan to subway after we parked it infront of the window as a Thankyou for getting it for me...
we sat at the window, happily eating away when I mentioned. "You know, I really think my luck is turning around now. Today is going to be a good day..."
and then Ryan replied - "where is your bike?"
fuck i could NOT beleive my eyes. i even waved my hand in the area where it was....
ditching my stuff i ran down the road asking people if they had seen anyone pushing my scooter away. I was ready to rip the bastards head off when I found them. RED HANDED!
I ran around the block even.
Found nothing. I walked back and the subway guys had video footage of us at the counter, and a shaved headed guy walking up to the scooter, and walking off with it...
30 minutes later, I conceded defeat. I called the police and reported it stolen.
Ryan walked me to work, while I held onto his shirt sleeve feeling like a lost idiot...ranting and raving like I was gonna excute this punk GTA style.
I called in and advised that I was going to be late to work, and that I will really need to talk to my manager.
I got in and had a good chat with her, telling her of my loss, and depression.
we had a good talk, that was further releif. She helped me to get things organised and to make my calls.
as I walked to my desk my phone rang and it was my "friend" who was supposed to get my bike.
The conversation went as follows:
S: Hey Girl, how are You!
R: Just awesome... my bike has been stolen.
S: hahaha, what do you mean stolen
R: I mean as in some bastard stole it this morning when I had just got it out of the office
S: oh? What? are you sure, its here at the shop
R: *deadpan* what the fuck did you say. *walks over to "soundproof" phone room out of CS earshot
R: what the fuck did you just say! what the hell it was stolen off me when I had just got it out!
S: oh what? I went down this morning and picked it up like you asked me too! first thing girl!
R: Oh so you were the bold as fucking brass balls who pushed my bike away I FUCKING THOUGHT SOMEONE STOLE THE BIKE THAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PICK UP LAST WEEK LIKE I HAD ASKED YOU TO DO BUT HAD TO CHASE YOU UP THREETIMES TO GO AND DO IT and now I am having a fucking breakdown and ballling my eyes out to my manager im depressed as hell and had to go get it myself because that receptionist was threatening to have the council tow it away and I had told you this but you still didnt get it or called me when you were having trouble so I had to get up early to get it with my flat mate and freaked out when it disappeared and NOW YOU ARE TELLING ME YOU HAVE IT!
S: i thought they put it outside subway for me... :(
im sorry girl are you ok
R: *crying* oh thank god you have my bike ok oh man thank you
*laughing* hahaha you have my Bike! that is really good!
S: ill make it up to you :( let me buy you dinner :(
ahh. that was the gist of it. I called Ryan back after and told him about it.
"That was Mental! what a mental day!!"
damn straight. on the advice of my manager I took the rest of the day off to see the doctor about
"my head"... got some good advice and showed her the graze on my foot from the accident and was told that I must have the rest of the week off and have double antibiotics ASAP!
aka, its really bad :P
Well I had wed's and thur's off but came in on Friday (need to be paid yah?).
And that was my mental week, starting Tuesday 22nd April, finalling with a bang on Tuesday 29th of April.
And I will NEVER go out in public and think that "This is going to be a good day" ever again!
~~~
Since then, I have had my bike in for repairs. $120.00 and a check over later its fine. I just freak out a little when going around corners, its always felt a bit wobbly on the wheels.
Plus it has a new noise now like a chainsaw? But thats my Chun Li! and I still ♥ putting around on it :)
So here goes!
A month ago, on monday the 21st I dont know why, but I got severely depressed at work.
i should not be depressed especially at work, because I got a job to NOT be depressed!!
All day I felt blue, literally. I could not get the colour blue out of my mind. I felt like watching the big blue again, with that hot scicillian diver and rosanna arquette. (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095250/). I wanted to sit in a pool in a mediterranean backyard and stare at the sky through the water. I wanted to drown.
Funnily enough, as soon as I jumped on my scooter I felt super elated, like super happy. (am I bipolar?!)
Got home and I was singing my ass off!
The next day, which is when it really began, I jumped on my scooter before 9. it was drizzly but not enough to make me go on the bus.
as I was nearing Normanby road, the drizzle had lifted and I clearly thought to my self "wow, today is going to be a good day!".
I decelerated as I made my slow turn into Normanby and suddenly thought as the road came really close to my face "um i think Im a bit low...."
CRASH!
spun in a 360 with my scooter (prolly more like 180) and jumped up before I hit the curb, to end up standing there hyperventilating hoping that my bike was out of every ones way and worried more that no one would help.
Just like those bastards didnt help my brother when he came flying off his bicycle in Palmerston North.
4 People pulled over to help me and my bike and ushered me over to the office on the corner.
I was called a ambulance and my foot partially bandaged up.
In the hospital they did a xray of my foot and treated it. a junior doctor strike was happening at that time, so the seniors were earning double that day (over $500 a hour). I was interviewed by a officer (who looked familar??) and got a tetnaus shot. that didnt hurt.
embarissingly I told mom "if I had known this would happen I would have shaved my legs!"
I had the rest of the week off, played many hours of FFXII, followed by a farewell party for Miho on Thursday 24th. I got plenty wasted :), especially since it was my birthday too.
Saturday we held a combined birthday party at my flat with live music and fun times.
Sunday, I finally admitted to Ryan and CJ, that I was feeling depressed and a bit suicidal.
I really needed to tell someone. I knew that I should stop bottling all these feelings up, and I trust these two considerably much.
And they have been the best ear I have ever had.
Monday I was shot down again because of a stupid misunderstanding with Miho.
Best to just forget about her, she wasnt really a nice person anyway.
And on top of this, I get a call from my mother telling me that my scooter was still at the bloody office when i had called "a Friend" to go and pick it up on Thursday or Saturday (Friday being Anzac Day).
So I called the office and apologised to the receptionist who REALLY bitched at me. GOH i am NOT sending you a thankyou card now. FORGET IT!
so I called my "friend" THREE TIMES that day to go get the bike.
I came down to the motorcycle shop and it still was not there.
So I said to my flat mate "fuck him, we will get it."
And we did. I shouted Ryan to subway after we parked it infront of the window as a Thankyou for getting it for me...
we sat at the window, happily eating away when I mentioned. "You know, I really think my luck is turning around now. Today is going to be a good day..."
and then Ryan replied - "where is your bike?"
fuck i could NOT beleive my eyes. i even waved my hand in the area where it was....
ditching my stuff i ran down the road asking people if they had seen anyone pushing my scooter away. I was ready to rip the bastards head off when I found them. RED HANDED!
I ran around the block even.
Found nothing. I walked back and the subway guys had video footage of us at the counter, and a shaved headed guy walking up to the scooter, and walking off with it...
30 minutes later, I conceded defeat. I called the police and reported it stolen.
Ryan walked me to work, while I held onto his shirt sleeve feeling like a lost idiot...ranting and raving like I was gonna excute this punk GTA style.
I called in and advised that I was going to be late to work, and that I will really need to talk to my manager.
I got in and had a good chat with her, telling her of my loss, and depression.
we had a good talk, that was further releif. She helped me to get things organised and to make my calls.
as I walked to my desk my phone rang and it was my "friend" who was supposed to get my bike.
The conversation went as follows:
S: Hey Girl, how are You!
R: Just awesome... my bike has been stolen.
S: hahaha, what do you mean stolen
R: I mean as in some bastard stole it this morning when I had just got it out of the office
S: oh? What? are you sure, its here at the shop
R: *deadpan* what the fuck did you say. *walks over to "soundproof" phone room out of CS earshot
R: what the fuck did you just say! what the hell it was stolen off me when I had just got it out!
S: oh what? I went down this morning and picked it up like you asked me too! first thing girl!
R: Oh so you were the bold as fucking brass balls who pushed my bike away I FUCKING THOUGHT SOMEONE STOLE THE BIKE THAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PICK UP LAST WEEK LIKE I HAD ASKED YOU TO DO BUT HAD TO CHASE YOU UP THREETIMES TO GO AND DO IT and now I am having a fucking breakdown and ballling my eyes out to my manager im depressed as hell and had to go get it myself because that receptionist was threatening to have the council tow it away and I had told you this but you still didnt get it or called me when you were having trouble so I had to get up early to get it with my flat mate and freaked out when it disappeared and NOW YOU ARE TELLING ME YOU HAVE IT!
S: i thought they put it outside subway for me... :(
im sorry girl are you ok
R: *crying* oh thank god you have my bike ok oh man thank you
*laughing* hahaha you have my Bike! that is really good!
S: ill make it up to you :( let me buy you dinner :(
ahh. that was the gist of it. I called Ryan back after and told him about it.
"That was Mental! what a mental day!!"
damn straight. on the advice of my manager I took the rest of the day off to see the doctor about
"my head"... got some good advice and showed her the graze on my foot from the accident and was told that I must have the rest of the week off and have double antibiotics ASAP!
aka, its really bad :P
Well I had wed's and thur's off but came in on Friday (need to be paid yah?).
And that was my mental week, starting Tuesday 22nd April, finalling with a bang on Tuesday 29th of April.
And I will NEVER go out in public and think that "This is going to be a good day" ever again!
~~~
Since then, I have had my bike in for repairs. $120.00 and a check over later its fine. I just freak out a little when going around corners, its always felt a bit wobbly on the wheels.
Plus it has a new noise now like a chainsaw? But thats my Chun Li! and I still ♥ putting around on it :)
Friday, March 7
looking through patient eyes
ever since I heard this song on the way to work this morning (i was Very Late) i just couldnt get it out of my head. if I had internet i would download it like ASAP!
but im feeling like I want to own their album.
I wish that songs that really inspire me, that the author wrote about it more. like kept a diary and gave reason as to why they created that beautiful piece... what was going on through their life at that time.
I would be very interested to read it...
Looking Through Patient Eyes - PM Dawn (http://www.pmdawn.net/)
Whatever it is I do, I try to think about you.
I have a love for you that nothing hides.
Whatever it is I do, I'm always thinking of you.
I hope you look at me through patient eyes.
I've become amused. I've become blind.
I've become what I know not breathes.
You seem illiterate to all my emotions.
I stand corrected, how well you read.
You speak the truth, you speak the me.
You fell the love I have yet to find.
I know it's there, I know it's there.
But I let the sandcastles kill my mind.
Pathetic me, I long to be you.
They think I'm close but i stand so far.
The turbulent one sheds a turbulent tear.
I'm Mr. Love only 'cause they starve.
Oil and water, lust and sympathy.
I'll life and death my way through the sun.
Where originates all the pain that leaves.
My memory a traumatic sponge and sings to you.
Well define my love and attitude.
Open up your mind and it will sing to you.
You can always tell.
But I know remorse so well.
I left reality early due to the lack of love... reason.
(Chorus)
Whatever I do, I try to think about you.
I seek the sympathy and I can't lie.
Whatever it is I do, I'm always thinking of you.
I hope you look at me through patient eyes.
The channel, a professional liar.
How I long to contradict those vibes.
Joni help me, I think I'm falling.
It's not the love and I quest the why.
--Pete Rock Mix Only--
I have yet to conquer my behavior
In my reaction to the helpless vail.
The great addiction to possess what isn't.
Floating ships that refuse to sail.
As mercy's love to the featherless pigeon.
Searchin through life through the blurriest vission.
As mercy's love to the heartless hand.
Its candid rights as if the wrong understand.
--End Pete Rock--
I don't know, If I'm right, I'm right.
But if I'm wrong then show me I'm wrong.
The fear of pity is always awake.
But infinite sympathy completely gone.
It's the windows, the doors, the passageway to the truth.
Oh my god, it echoes the mind.
In total recall as wild as the deuce.
It's so deceiving is the clouded heart.
So superficial is the open wound.
I caress the infinite light.
That even at night.
Overshadows the moon and sings to you.
Well, define my love, that lives with you.
Even when I die, it will still sing to you.
You can always tell if remorse has done you well...
The misconstrued my answers due to the lack of love... reason.
(Chorus)
but im feeling like I want to own their album.
I wish that songs that really inspire me, that the author wrote about it more. like kept a diary and gave reason as to why they created that beautiful piece... what was going on through their life at that time.
I would be very interested to read it...
Looking Through Patient Eyes - PM Dawn (http://www.pmdawn.net/)
Whatever it is I do, I try to think about you.
I have a love for you that nothing hides.
Whatever it is I do, I'm always thinking of you.
I hope you look at me through patient eyes.
I've become amused. I've become blind.
I've become what I know not breathes.
You seem illiterate to all my emotions.
I stand corrected, how well you read.
You speak the truth, you speak the me.
You fell the love I have yet to find.
I know it's there, I know it's there.
But I let the sandcastles kill my mind.
Pathetic me, I long to be you.
They think I'm close but i stand so far.
The turbulent one sheds a turbulent tear.
I'm Mr. Love only 'cause they starve.
Oil and water, lust and sympathy.
I'll life and death my way through the sun.
Where originates all the pain that leaves.
My memory a traumatic sponge and sings to you.
Well define my love and attitude.
Open up your mind and it will sing to you.
You can always tell.
But I know remorse so well.
I left reality early due to the lack of love... reason.
(Chorus)
Whatever I do, I try to think about you.
I seek the sympathy and I can't lie.
Whatever it is I do, I'm always thinking of you.
I hope you look at me through patient eyes.
The channel, a professional liar.
How I long to contradict those vibes.
Joni help me, I think I'm falling.
It's not the love and I quest the why.
--Pete Rock Mix Only--
I have yet to conquer my behavior
In my reaction to the helpless vail.
The great addiction to possess what isn't.
Floating ships that refuse to sail.
As mercy's love to the featherless pigeon.
Searchin through life through the blurriest vission.
As mercy's love to the heartless hand.
Its candid rights as if the wrong understand.
--End Pete Rock--
I don't know, If I'm right, I'm right.
But if I'm wrong then show me I'm wrong.
The fear of pity is always awake.
But infinite sympathy completely gone.
It's the windows, the doors, the passageway to the truth.
Oh my god, it echoes the mind.
In total recall as wild as the deuce.
It's so deceiving is the clouded heart.
So superficial is the open wound.
I caress the infinite light.
That even at night.
Overshadows the moon and sings to you.
Well, define my love, that lives with you.
Even when I die, it will still sing to you.
You can always tell if remorse has done you well...
The misconstrued my answers due to the lack of love... reason.
(Chorus)
Thursday, March 6
Autumns rolling in
havent blogged in awhile. I have had a little bit to say...
im not going to make it into university. not in march anyway.
Im really disappointed, I really wanted to start this year off right away doing study.
now i have to wait AGAIN for one of my old schools to send a accademic record of my studies with them, and wait untill July.
4 Whole Freaking Months! Gawh!
its depressing thinking that I have to survive this job another 4 full months... it makes me tired and feel really listless.
there are a few good things I guess I could do during this time. (Prison Time)
Save loads of money
Buy Good things while I can (guess I wont be saving then ha!:P)
keep on understudying what I want to do
get into a good exercise routine
look for a good job for part-time work (or stay here for part-time?)
meditate
play shite loads of games (Fable on PC included)
travel for awhile
...
oh well, it just wont be going to Uni thats all. and I will graduate when Im 26. I SHOULD BE HAVING KIDS BY THEN!!
oh man
my maternal wants rears its ugly head lol
~
I went to foodtown in threekings last night and put up a card on the notice board saying:
FREE ENGLISH LESSONS
in exchange for teaching me chinese, or korean
friendly young adult :3
I wonder how many people will call me? it will be interesting.
lately im saying to more people shie shie (thank you in chinese). I tell them when they ask if I actually speak chinese that I only speak very little. but im learning :). and im pretty excited.
~
lately the depression of not getting into Uni right away has made me try to find the things that do make me happy.
At first I thought it was food, but then I cant really think of any food that makes me feel good. Im not really a chocolate comfort eater. Love the stuff but its more for cravings.
Some things are shopping in asian botique and finding something I really love. I brought this cute denim mini bolero. I dont know the actual name of the style but thats what it basically is?? i think :P
Then there is some food I really like. I like to go to restauraunts for it though, and the people have to put me in a good mood. I like Jajungmyon, Bi bim bap, cold Soba noodles, and good atmosphere
im really getting into my tea's again. Recently i had blood orange, could have done with a tad of honey but overall i liked it. The tea shop i went to is accross from the newmarket asian plaza, around the back of my work (which is next to BP in newmarket). I want to buy the glass tea pot and warmer set, however I wont enjoy it as much. The atmosphere in my home is not the kind of place to enjoy it, I think i will just let it sit and forget it.
Actually the atmosphere is one of laziness. Im trying to not be lazy myself but its there and drags me into it.
perhaps i need to move again? ive already been there 6 months... and knowing me I havent stayed anywhere longer than about 7 months...
...
nah the rent is too good, i dont care :P
Unni's place seems like the perfect environment. it is calm and relaxed, a good feeling there.
also, with drinks, I really enjoy a good milk tea. my fave is green bean, red bean, watermelon, rock melon, honey dew, apple.. My favourite place to have it so far is Hulu cats. One day I wish to own my own tea shop... as well as selling Dollfies but thats another blog..
I love the smell of chai tea bags when heated by the sun and fills the room. hot Cocoa with cream is warming and goes excellent with chai!
Oh and theres the Alcohol, that I will hanker for after a long week! Cant wait for Friday and a drink with my flatmates at Fox'es. my new drinking haunt :3
Typical drinks I will enjoy is a Tuaca Pinacola (best!) L&P Southern Comfort, Corona's and a dark ale. apart from that anything with soju or vodka thrown in it i'll down !
another thing that gives me comfort, is extra watermelon drops. i dont know why but I always feel good having them. they make me feel like im in my own safe space?? its weird but reminds me of plugging my headphones in while at Freelance doing animation and just me being in my space...
... out
im not going to make it into university. not in march anyway.
Im really disappointed, I really wanted to start this year off right away doing study.
now i have to wait AGAIN for one of my old schools to send a accademic record of my studies with them, and wait untill July.
4 Whole Freaking Months! Gawh!
its depressing thinking that I have to survive this job another 4 full months... it makes me tired and feel really listless.
there are a few good things I guess I could do during this time. (Prison Time)
Save loads of money
Buy Good things while I can (guess I wont be saving then ha!:P)
keep on understudying what I want to do
get into a good exercise routine
look for a good job for part-time work (or stay here for part-time?)
meditate
play shite loads of games (Fable on PC included)
travel for awhile
...
oh well, it just wont be going to Uni thats all. and I will graduate when Im 26. I SHOULD BE HAVING KIDS BY THEN!!
oh man
my maternal wants rears its ugly head lol
~
I went to foodtown in threekings last night and put up a card on the notice board saying:
FREE ENGLISH LESSONS
in exchange for teaching me chinese, or korean
friendly young adult :3
I wonder how many people will call me? it will be interesting.
lately im saying to more people shie shie (thank you in chinese). I tell them when they ask if I actually speak chinese that I only speak very little. but im learning :). and im pretty excited.
~
lately the depression of not getting into Uni right away has made me try to find the things that do make me happy.
At first I thought it was food, but then I cant really think of any food that makes me feel good. Im not really a chocolate comfort eater. Love the stuff but its more for cravings.
Some things are shopping in asian botique and finding something I really love. I brought this cute denim mini bolero. I dont know the actual name of the style but thats what it basically is?? i think :P
Then there is some food I really like. I like to go to restauraunts for it though, and the people have to put me in a good mood. I like Jajungmyon, Bi bim bap, cold Soba noodles, and good atmosphere
im really getting into my tea's again. Recently i had blood orange, could have done with a tad of honey but overall i liked it. The tea shop i went to is accross from the newmarket asian plaza, around the back of my work (which is next to BP in newmarket). I want to buy the glass tea pot and warmer set, however I wont enjoy it as much. The atmosphere in my home is not the kind of place to enjoy it, I think i will just let it sit and forget it.
Actually the atmosphere is one of laziness. Im trying to not be lazy myself but its there and drags me into it.
perhaps i need to move again? ive already been there 6 months... and knowing me I havent stayed anywhere longer than about 7 months...
...
nah the rent is too good, i dont care :P
Unni's place seems like the perfect environment. it is calm and relaxed, a good feeling there.
also, with drinks, I really enjoy a good milk tea. my fave is green bean, red bean, watermelon, rock melon, honey dew, apple.. My favourite place to have it so far is Hulu cats. One day I wish to own my own tea shop... as well as selling Dollfies but thats another blog..
I love the smell of chai tea bags when heated by the sun and fills the room. hot Cocoa with cream is warming and goes excellent with chai!
Oh and theres the Alcohol, that I will hanker for after a long week! Cant wait for Friday and a drink with my flatmates at Fox'es. my new drinking haunt :3
Typical drinks I will enjoy is a Tuaca Pinacola (best!) L&P Southern Comfort, Corona's and a dark ale. apart from that anything with soju or vodka thrown in it i'll down !
another thing that gives me comfort, is extra watermelon drops. i dont know why but I always feel good having them. they make me feel like im in my own safe space?? its weird but reminds me of plugging my headphones in while at Freelance doing animation and just me being in my space...
... out
Saturday, February 2
my lovely summer
working during summer has been really good.
ive been able to afford more stuff and not had to penny pinch like i was doing about this time last year ;o;
that was a pretty tough time i have to admit and would not like to go back there >_>
ive had a really good summer. its been pretty incredible!
i have to say living with Ryan CJ Erin and Sarah has been a real plus in my life. like we are really meshing well. we're all a pretty laid back bunch, and the only problems we have had is really... the fridge and dishes, and sometimes the internet being capped/hogged.
ive made a big sis - Moana. my korean Unni. Shes a pretty special person to me now. Ive begged her to be my doctor using her knowledge of acupuncture and chinese medicine. I feel like my health has been pretty much slipping off track and i dont particularly like our doctors...
I suppose it has something to do with being raised with my Grandmothers ideals. She really is into her natural remedies and frequently sent my family health books, medicine and advice.
I have more faith in natural medicines and treatments than perscriptions and drugs being thrown my way...
Moana and her flatmate invited me to dinner on Wednesday night. I got to have Jajang-myun (black bean sauce noodles with meat pieces and vegies) which is what Eun-Chae got to have in one of my favourite k-drama's "No#1 Coffee Shop - Coffee Prince"... just minus the strawberry youghurt :P
I have watched a few drama's. Ive been able to finish Hwang Jin-Yi. Man that was so terrible, it was like a crying fest. I couldnt stop! haha, and my flatmates who only joined in like one or two episodes were crying lots as well!
I rented this from FaSoYo (I forget the correct pronounciation, i beleive it starts with fat..)
the drama was completely ripped off D-addicts! and I have no idea where they got the subbing for it near the end as it was missing or really terrible!!
but im not too worried, im going to add the proper subs after. plus it beats having to wait ages to download a drama.
After that I got out Coffee Prince. I absolutely loved it!
its really made me push to get me a scooter, as soon as possible.
in reality im really chicken shit. I will take a bus anywhere or walk it. I can drive and Im not too bad at it... im just alittle afraid of driving myself :P
I would feel more safer on a scooter... somehow !!
I went to a motor-cycle shop a few weeks back to look at the scooters that they have. i walk past this shop everyday on the way to work and there is a particular guy that says hi to me all the time.
So I finally got to know him. He was really super cool and gave me heaps of info about buying etc. also gave me heaps of discounts (hahaha)
The coolest thing I found out about him was that he lived in Osaka for a few years doing motorcycle racing and drifting in the Osaka mountain roads.
That is so hellah cool!
So I made another awesome friend there.
I made a friend of Lia. when I first met her, it was because of her perfume. Vanilla from the body shop. it used to be my favourite perfume of all.
She told me that she has a friend also practicing Kendo in beginners class with us. he is very much put off when I am Motodachi, because of my smile!
LOL HAHAHAA!
i wont be doing that again, she said that he says i look too cute and really cant concentrate when he has to hit me
She invited me to her new years eve party . That night we all watched the piffy sky-tower fireworks, had a champagne, and trotted off to town. I made quick friends with Shen and Tony and after loosing them at the mexican cafe, met up again with them at Margarita's.
I was there with Shen, Tony and Kelvin getting totally drunk and dancing 5 hours straight untill we all got kicked out about 5.30 New Years Morning.
we all tottered down to the viaduct and talked about Microwaves... ??
For some reason, that felt like such a relief?
all these years of no hope and no fun on new years day, that day felt so good.
the sun shining its light on a brighter and definitely more happier new year.
since then ive been chatting to Tony (toenail) and Shen (choc) on msn quite a bit.
its so funny, we have the weirdest conversations ever.
(from a yamanba conversation I had with Shen)
Work is kind of improving. good news is tho I'm actually turning into a happier person outside of work due to how I treat people.
I always try to make a effort to answer the phone with a cheerful tone, and about 80% of the people that I talk to may have started out bitchy but become nice pretty quick... its feels a little strange but works really well.
I kept a promise too to my daughter (lol adopted because i mothered her when we lived together) that if she buys a electric guitar then I will buy me a bass.
darn it and she got one, so about $500 and a week later I have me my bass, and i fully love it.
it had no nut for the jack so had to skate off to the rockshop on K-rd for one on Friday afternoon.
went there again today to get the screws replaced because they were covered in rust.
while waiting for it to be serviced, i went to a cafe just down from the rockshops and had a really fantastic breakfast. it was about 1pm and I still had not eaten anything all day -
too bad I didnt take a photo first before I dug into it:
got my bass back and had a bit of a jam on it at home.
CJ gave me a new single bed. I sooooo super love it.
man I love having a real bed. mattresses beat futons any-day! Sleeping rocks
ive been able to afford more stuff and not had to penny pinch like i was doing about this time last year ;o;
that was a pretty tough time i have to admit and would not like to go back there >_>
ive had a really good summer. its been pretty incredible!
i have to say living with Ryan CJ Erin and Sarah has been a real plus in my life. like we are really meshing well. we're all a pretty laid back bunch, and the only problems we have had is really... the fridge and dishes, and sometimes the internet being capped/hogged.
ive made a big sis - Moana. my korean Unni. Shes a pretty special person to me now. Ive begged her to be my doctor using her knowledge of acupuncture and chinese medicine. I feel like my health has been pretty much slipping off track and i dont particularly like our doctors...
I suppose it has something to do with being raised with my Grandmothers ideals. She really is into her natural remedies and frequently sent my family health books, medicine and advice.
I have more faith in natural medicines and treatments than perscriptions and drugs being thrown my way...
Moana and her flatmate invited me to dinner on Wednesday night. I got to have Jajang-myun (black bean sauce noodles with meat pieces and vegies) which is what Eun-Chae got to have in one of my favourite k-drama's "No#1 Coffee Shop - Coffee Prince"... just minus the strawberry youghurt :P
I have watched a few drama's. Ive been able to finish Hwang Jin-Yi. Man that was so terrible, it was like a crying fest. I couldnt stop! haha, and my flatmates who only joined in like one or two episodes were crying lots as well!
I rented this from FaSoYo (I forget the correct pronounciation, i beleive it starts with fat..)
the drama was completely ripped off D-addicts! and I have no idea where they got the subbing for it near the end as it was missing or really terrible!!
but im not too worried, im going to add the proper subs after. plus it beats having to wait ages to download a drama.
After that I got out Coffee Prince. I absolutely loved it!
its really made me push to get me a scooter, as soon as possible.
in reality im really chicken shit. I will take a bus anywhere or walk it. I can drive and Im not too bad at it... im just alittle afraid of driving myself :P
I would feel more safer on a scooter... somehow !!
I went to a motor-cycle shop a few weeks back to look at the scooters that they have. i walk past this shop everyday on the way to work and there is a particular guy that says hi to me all the time.
So I finally got to know him. He was really super cool and gave me heaps of info about buying etc. also gave me heaps of discounts (hahaha)
The coolest thing I found out about him was that he lived in Osaka for a few years doing motorcycle racing and drifting in the Osaka mountain roads.
That is so hellah cool!
So I made another awesome friend there.
I made a friend of Lia. when I first met her, it was because of her perfume. Vanilla from the body shop. it used to be my favourite perfume of all.
She told me that she has a friend also practicing Kendo in beginners class with us. he is very much put off when I am Motodachi, because of my smile!
LOL HAHAHAA!
i wont be doing that again, she said that he says i look too cute and really cant concentrate when he has to hit me
She invited me to her new years eve party . That night we all watched the piffy sky-tower fireworks, had a champagne, and trotted off to town. I made quick friends with Shen and Tony and after loosing them at the mexican cafe, met up again with them at Margarita's.
I was there with Shen, Tony and Kelvin getting totally drunk and dancing 5 hours straight untill we all got kicked out about 5.30 New Years Morning.
we all tottered down to the viaduct and talked about Microwaves... ??
For some reason, that felt like such a relief?
all these years of no hope and no fun on new years day, that day felt so good.
the sun shining its light on a brighter and definitely more happier new year.
since then ive been chatting to Tony (toenail) and Shen (choc) on msn quite a bit.its so funny, we have the weirdest conversations ever.
(from a yamanba conversation I had with Shen)Work is kind of improving. good news is tho I'm actually turning into a happier person outside of work due to how I treat people.
I always try to make a effort to answer the phone with a cheerful tone, and about 80% of the people that I talk to may have started out bitchy but become nice pretty quick... its feels a little strange but works really well.
I kept a promise too to my daughter (lol adopted because i mothered her when we lived together) that if she buys a electric guitar then I will buy me a bass.
darn it and she got one, so about $500 and a week later I have me my bass, and i fully love it.it had no nut for the jack so had to skate off to the rockshop on K-rd for one on Friday afternoon.
went there again today to get the screws replaced because they were covered in rust.
while waiting for it to be serviced, i went to a cafe just down from the rockshops and had a really fantastic breakfast. it was about 1pm and I still had not eaten anything all day -
too bad I didnt take a photo first before I dug into it:
got my bass back and had a bit of a jam on it at home.CJ gave me a new single bed. I sooooo super love it.
man I love having a real bed. mattresses beat futons any-day! Sleeping rocks
Thursday, January 10
need a sweet escape
if i could be sweet i know ive been a real bad girl
i didnt mean for you be hurt
...
I feel a bit sad after doing kendo yesterday.. I dont quite know why?
was it because I did not stick to protocol? is it because I want to hang out with them, but them not me?
I was really happy to see Hee-joo again after so long. I was covered in sweat after a real heart racing practice, and she kept on punching me! yuk
told me to stop trying to talk in korean cuz it looks real weird haha. Miene! lol
good to catch up :)
but the thing that put me down was trying to say happy new year to every one.. and no one replying?
Why? it had a weird feel to the air.
like they had said something unpleasant about me?
I dont know, but Im not so sure anymore. I love kendo, and I love the people..
but I was thinking, if it makes me feel so crap after practice. why am I going?
But then, alot of times I feel absolutely awesome!
dont know how to feel about it now.
i didnt mean for you be hurt
...
I feel a bit sad after doing kendo yesterday.. I dont quite know why?
was it because I did not stick to protocol? is it because I want to hang out with them, but them not me?
I was really happy to see Hee-joo again after so long. I was covered in sweat after a real heart racing practice, and she kept on punching me! yuk
told me to stop trying to talk in korean cuz it looks real weird haha. Miene! lol
good to catch up :)
but the thing that put me down was trying to say happy new year to every one.. and no one replying?
Why? it had a weird feel to the air.
like they had said something unpleasant about me?
I dont know, but Im not so sure anymore. I love kendo, and I love the people..
but I was thinking, if it makes me feel so crap after practice. why am I going?
But then, alot of times I feel absolutely awesome!
dont know how to feel about it now.
Thursday, January 3
new years
I has a good nite with Lia and Moana and their friends NY's eve
lol, I love doing this =
going into a totally different crowd and blending hard-out!
I made three friends - Shen Tony and Calvin. They shouted me drinks all night and danced with me all night!
Im so crazy!
And my dollie got a name = Xiao hong-lou-bou.... Little Red Carrot :) ka-u-wai :)
I love Margaritas but I hate wearing high heels to try and dance in. It killed my feet and I hobbled around the house the next day :(
Me and Margies! I wanna be the Go-go Girl and boogie uncontrollably!
Moana said I can call her Unni which is korean for Older Sister :) that I got from Coffee Prince. My newly beloved k-drama.
I have finished it but really want to watch it again, this time with much better subtitles and no jumpy skippy parts from a damaged CD!
We were all cam-whores for the night, and the sky tower was pretty ok...
not that great but nice that everyone came out for the night and shared the love of a new beginning.
i delight in that, where everyone drops off their inhibitions and just lets go. all happy and ready to party!
I really liked the Mexican Cafe too, wow. some beautiful dancers in there it made me very happy to watch. Im gonna go as often as Lia invites me out to go!
there was this one guy there that made me dance with him. he was super drunk and spilt half my corona on the ground. >:( ! oh no... not my alcohol!
Esp when Tony got it for me!!
I was gonna go into margaritas by myself that night... sadly... But Shen Tony and Calvin came back and we all shouted for Joy! hehe
After we got kicked out of the joint at 5.30am we walked down to the viaduct and watched the dawn and sun come up. I interestedly listened to them go on about microwaves and tried to add something geeky too...
Haha, I like geeks! true @_@
it was really cool and we will do it again
Hey Mo! Lia! Awesome we are!
lol, I love doing this =
going into a totally different crowd and blending hard-out!
I made three friends - Shen Tony and Calvin. They shouted me drinks all night and danced with me all night!
Im so crazy!
And my dollie got a name = Xiao hong-lou-bou.... Little Red Carrot :) ka-u-wai :)
I love Margaritas but I hate wearing high heels to try and dance in. It killed my feet and I hobbled around the house the next day :(
Me and Margies! I wanna be the Go-go Girl and boogie uncontrollably!
Moana said I can call her Unni which is korean for Older Sister :) that I got from Coffee Prince. My newly beloved k-drama.
I have finished it but really want to watch it again, this time with much better subtitles and no jumpy skippy parts from a damaged CD!
We were all cam-whores for the night, and the sky tower was pretty ok...
not that great but nice that everyone came out for the night and shared the love of a new beginning.
i delight in that, where everyone drops off their inhibitions and just lets go. all happy and ready to party!
I really liked the Mexican Cafe too, wow. some beautiful dancers in there it made me very happy to watch. Im gonna go as often as Lia invites me out to go!
there was this one guy there that made me dance with him. he was super drunk and spilt half my corona on the ground. >:( ! oh no... not my alcohol!
Esp when Tony got it for me!!
I was gonna go into margaritas by myself that night... sadly... But Shen Tony and Calvin came back and we all shouted for Joy! hehe
After we got kicked out of the joint at 5.30am we walked down to the viaduct and watched the dawn and sun come up. I interestedly listened to them go on about microwaves and tried to add something geeky too...
Haha, I like geeks! true @_@
it was really cool and we will do it again
Hey Mo! Lia! Awesome we are!
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