about my cat. 2003

(from my journal) ... I'm trying to begin this entry - in the shadow of my beloved cat who insists on pushing his face in mine.
I love you so much. I'd be very cold without you.
Currently I don't love anything more than I do you.
But, I still dread the day when you must leave me - when I have to stop buying you biscuits, kiss you benevolently on your patterned forehead, hear you purr and see your lazy eyes. You love me, I know that much.
You are a little strange and hard to understand,
I don't want to understand you - own you, trap you.
I should have left you in your home.
I guess i got greedy - i couldn't live without you, or bear to think about what would be happening to you.
I love your scent. You've definitely lost most of your smell since being here. Garden spray, fertilizer, wild, green, sweat, hunt, warmth. And sun.

RIP 2005. Come back to me one day...