saturday after pauls dropped me off in the morning im lost again.
i make a lazy attempt at cleaning my room out, end up shuffling things around to no avail.
still unsure where to begin so I have a shower. I always do this when I dont have anything to do. not even noticing that i am clean when finished.
Erin is drawing in CJ's room, so I join her for a couple of hours. Lunchtime passes. Erin leaves. ink a picture, start another for practice. I get bored again...
Go to my room and look for something to do. its a sunny saturday so I better go outside and lap it up.
My face is ravaged. I have to blame it on Paul's dirty pillows. or him pash rashing me. how come this embarassment is happening?
put on a face mask then go outside.
Kestin and Leigh laugh at me face and invite me over for movies at 7. done.
start to read and interrupted by Ryan and Jessie. play some music on instruments...
i must have looked uber weird!
toddle over to Kestins and watch the remainder of the matrix. decide to get high, as I no longer have a job...
and no longer have to worry much about it.
fell asleep to Escaflone the movie. really boring.
woke up, rewatched it. reconfirmed that it is fucking boring, and leave for home.
i look a mess. I feel a mess. I didnt drink much but still feel seedy.
I get home. shower, feel good.
Start to clean my room. moved the PC back to my room. it is good there.
vaccume this dusty assed house. starting to get a cold, starting to feel...
long walk is decided on and for what fucking reason I never really gave myself a solid answer. Look for a desk. No desk is actually needed.
walk as far as wendys and get a burger. its not much.
discussing with Eugene about what I should do with this relationship Im having?
figured some things out in my head and made a decision that I really need to just ask questions.
txt paul some random shit to see how he replies, see if there is any tension or short answers to show he doesnt really care much? just basic replies, nothing untoward..
now i have to try figure out what Im going to do with myself.
who i got to make calls to tomorow. what im going to do with myself when i cant use my hand. when ill tell my ma about the accident. when im gonna have words with paul about us..
if i need to have words. should i leave it as be?
