another accident

it happened again, except abit worse than back in April.

and I would just like to first say, sorry to Lia and Moana for not telling you sooner!

secondly, if you are squemish DONT READ. some icky parts coming up.

Another week at work finally ended on Friday after 5. The University requested another document last minute in order to process my application!! as I finish early on Fridays I got my papers, jumped on my scooter and shot up khyber pass road to get there.
On the corner of Khyber pass and Park Rd at a red light I sat on my scooter at the head of the queue waiting for a green light so i can shoot and weave my way through the built up traffic trying to get up park road towards the hospital.
at the lights outside of Shell on Park Road a Black Ute held up traffic all the way back to Khyber Pass. there was no one in front of the Ute, I couldnt see why it was holding up the traffic as it was a green light. So I over took that Ute and continued down Park Road. The road ahead was clear and the opposite side was crowded with cars. Road works had narrowed the lanes together.
As I neared the exit from the Domain a gap had appeared between the jammed cars to let a Taxi get inbetween it...
Unfortunately for me, the stupid idiot pulled out in front of me.
Because the cars were so close together, we could not see each other. especially since I am just riding a moped.
in the last second I saw the nose of the taxi sharply pull in front of me. I crashed into his front left hand side, by the wheel. I have no idea what happened from there, I just remember flying over and hitting the ground. Rolling over onto my back, realising my limbs were still attached and screaming like in a bloody murder.

Suddenly there were people around me and I still screamed untill they told me to breathe...
I managed to get my breathing under control in deep heavy breaths.
I suddenly remembered my previous accident. For strange reasons, I was quite annoyed that the last one was not so bad. It was almost like a dumb accident. (dont ask, I am strange).
The sky was nice to look at. I laughed and said "Im glad the hospital is just over there!"
A few people laughed, I guess they were a little shocked to see someone just in a accident have a sense of humor.
As the pangs of pain started to clutch me again I rolled my eyes back and yelled "Son of a Bitch!"
...
The strange thing was though, I fixed my eyes on a particular man. I felt a bit terrible..

I apologized to a man who had seen the whole thing and was at my side the whole time for getting blood on his jumper. I noticed there was a bit of blood on my helmet visor. (my flatmate later found that there was no cracks or dents on my helmet)
A Doctor told me not to move my neck as I could have broken it. an ambulance arrived shortly after and carefully walked me into the Ambulance.
Mentioned was that my scooter is leaking petrol. I gave someone my keys to get my belongings out of the scooter. I thanked the man who stayed at my side. I remember him saying that I landed pretty well, if you could describe crash landings as good or bad?

after a short and bumpy ride I was wheel-chaired into the hospital. I had a pretty good sense of humor by then. Last time I was still in shock...

I was put in a temporary room on a "wheelie bed" where I was left to myself for about 15-20 minutes. I called my flatmates hoping that they could come in. I needed somebody to be there with me.
Calling my mother was the last thing i wanted. All because, she was on the 8th floor of the same hospital, recovering from surgery removing a tumor from her spine.
She had told me after every visit to please be safe, don't ride my scooter in wet weather and go straight home after visiting. She was really worried about me...
And I had meant to visit her that day, after handing in those papers and a poster into GNC for a art festival that had been held the next day.
I was pretty disappointed, so I had to text her that something had come up and I hope she's doing well.

I called CJ and Dave, they didnt answer their phones so I txt CJ to please come in. I wasnt sure if Erin had come back, so called Ryan. He was either deaf or what but I ended up screaming at him to get down to the hospital. I dont know why I started screaming at him? I blame the shock :)
About an hour later CJ called to say she's coming in. another hour later Erin and CJ arrived, they caught the bus here. I was pretty amazed at how fast the time went by. Only one doc had come in to see me. Checked out my wounds and got me to stand up. By that time I really could tell something was wrong with my left arm. It really brought a lot of pain to me and made me cry.
after my muscles relaxed abit the pain went away.

When CJ and Erin came in I still wasnt given any Ice for my bruises, and I was pretty fricken hungry! So CJ got my poster and shot off to GNC to hand it in. After that I was wheeled off to the xrays with Erin and got my left arm scanned.
The results were that I had fractured the head of the radius. So straight up and down movement was ok, just twisting will really hurt.
I got wheeled into a new room, however a nurse came in (he spluttered ;___;) and cleaned me up with Iodine before the Doc came in and REALLY poked around in the deep cut that I had over my right ankle. Poor Erin had to see that!
Then he pulled out a surgical kit, and filled a HUGE syringe up with some clear liquid.
I stared to freak out a bit and grabbed Erins hand saying "its just a candy cane! a Cherry Flavoured Candy Cane! With Watermelon flavouring too!!!!!!!!!!!"
But all he did with it was clean out the wound, make sure there was nothing inside.
Then he pulled out a smaller syringe, which he poked into the skin around the wound. That was the nummer.
With a bit of tears in my eyes I looked at Erin and said "Oh Thank goodness I think its Over!"
Eh no... He pulled out a surgery sheet with a hole large enough for my ankle and a round needle with line attached...
Boy there was no pain but having it poked into my ankle yeah I could feel that!
I tried to keep my squirming only to every thing but my right leg, and tried hard to not look at the surgery, thankful that I kept my left knee in the way. Just after that was over CJ walked in the room. She had just missed the good stuff!
She brought me food!! and I scoffed down a red bean bun like I wanted to breathe it in.
Erin had to leave, and CJ hung with me. I got another xray of my ankle, and we waited another hour for the doctor to release me.
About 2 hours to my release Ryan txt me to offer a ride home, aint no fucking way I was or will ever again get a ride from a Taxi driver!
So at about 10.30, I was released. Ryan and (red) David gave me a ride home.
And all I wanted to do by then was scrub out the bathtub and soak...
damn I couldnt put my legs in the water... my right leg was about really swollen. it was about half size bigger than my left leg and just about entirely covered in a red/purple bruise.
I have minor scrapes on my hands, but a long scrape along the front of my right leg.
There was a huge rip in my jeans with white paint smeared onto it. my tops are relativley unscathed.

its been six days since the accident now.
I really want to tell my friends, but im not sure how to go about it.
im not sure if I want them to get worried about it.

The thing I am worried about now, is what to do?
When the police officer met me in hospital he did not offer me anything, I dont even remember him saying that he will contact me again?
He did give me his contact card, and I have emailled him my scooter registration details.
I have to call Chris from city garage to come down to the tow away dudes to check out my scooter. whether it is a write off or repairable. though by petrol leaking out, i really dont think so.
I will also take the driver to a small disputes tribunal.
But I really need someone with a strong personality to come with me.
I want to call my old boarding mother, but it would just be putting her out.
I dont know who else to call though?
I have called victim support who suggested the small disputes tribunal, but im really at a loss now what to do about it..
I cant just sit back like I always do, and I have to avoid my family finding out, I dont want my mother to know.
she would just worry too much, and that would just be bad for her health.

...

pfft.

one good thing tho, i got my laptop delivered ^__^

stress

mood: sad/stressed
listening to: Escaflowne - Mystic Eyes
eating: cold spagetti

over the last two weeks i have been quite stressed out.
My heart seems to be beating frantically every now and then.
I have much work to catch up on, in life and in my occupation. there are many people I have to call, and I dont like to make call outs.
This is strange, as I work in a call center... I should be ok with it?
But I'm not. Its not good you know?
If you dont do what is necessary, take responsibility, then things get worse...
such as being threatened to have your overdues sent to a collections agency...
oweing money, having bad credit ratings, oweing more money because of fines and cancellation fees...

I now have a list of 5 people to call...

Work is stressful. In that my back aches and there is sore 'crunchy' bits between my shoulder blades and on my neck/shoulders. Torrents of people calling because they are too stupid to realise that they are the cause of their high bills. complaints about not getting bills. followup's to complaints. sore eyes which are starting to loose focus.

Trying to enroll into University of Auckland, hoping with all hope to get in and live the even more stressful life of a student. the expectation that I will live in near poverty again. live in poor health and a poor diet. Struggling with keeping on top of studies. hoping to complete the workload expectations. Applying for studylink to help me out, and to juggle work and study together.

... my mother is going into hospital. sooner than expected.
She goes in tomorow, for surgery. Im not sure what to do. She wont be walking for some time after the surgery. @__@. She wont be able to live at her home, as it is all stairs. instead she will have to live on the shore with family.
I hate my cousin with a passion. I despise her and at times, her mother as well.
will likely have to move out of my flat to live with her for awhile to help out with things. such as cooking, cleaning, washing, morale?
If not, then to constantly check up on her house. public transport only.
I dont want to leave this flat.

Yes, I am selfish.
i already am susceptible to my own pathetic lows.
I wish I had someone to tell me to shut the fuck up and quit worrying like a wimp.
like my brother used to always do.
With his words I felt confident to shed those worries. with his big arms squeezing my shoulders and cuffing me on the chin i really could feel silly about my little weaknesses.
Start being more reasonable...

sometimes, so hard to smile.

I tell others to be positive. to write positive things. think positive things. do positive things.
I can hardly do it myself.

but lets try :)

1. smile, giggle, read jokes
2. go to canihasacheesburger (lol cats) :3
3. play happy music
4. talk to someone, ask them to tell you something good, happy. something good that happened to them.

I guess this really wont work, if you dont first let your feelings out.
...

(7.27pm)
Ive told CJ how I feel.
im feeling better now :)
im watching fruits basket. I feel better.
im just going stop here for now.